I was recently asked what I have against shopping malls. “What are you, some kind of commie?” “You have something against capitalism?!” “Don’t you know that malls are what make the world go round?!”
My answers:
1) Stay on topic
2) Sort of, but we’re talking about my aversion to MALLS
3) Isn’t that taught in seventh grade [...]

Before moving to the great state of Colorado, I was living in the panhandle of Oklahoma, where a tornado warning was the local staple, where the majority of my customers were pig farmers; co-workers were Limbaugh fanatics; and neighbors, such thoughtful souls, liked decorating our cars with egg when we suggested that they turn their [...]

Rocky Raccoon runs ‘round the race track as the crowd ROARRRRS and CHEERRRRRS and reads recipes at recess.
No, I have not cashed in all my sanity chips. Not completely. The above phrase is just one of many things I have repeated over and over since the new year began because my seven-year-old son has resolved [...]

“You look crazy.” People used to say that a lot in my family. I think they feared appearing crazy almost as much as they feared appearing poor. When I was a kid, I had this habit of saying the alphabet over and over and over and over… via sign language. In retrospect, it was obviously [...]

For me, Christmas has everything to do with Mexican food, and nothing to do with Walkmans.
For the first time in their lives, Emma and Kyra (three and two, respectively) played major roles in the tree-decorating tradition. In a moment of sheer delirium (or genius as it were) I decided to provide them with construction paper, [...]

Kyra, my two-year-old, recently attended a day care where you were considered an over-the-hill parent at 25, where everyone (disabled or not) parked in the disabled parking spaces, left their Hummers humming, and allowed rappers named after pocket change to cascade freely through their open windows. Sure, it wasn’t ideal, but we probably could have [...]

Generally speaking, I’m all about honesty. Why has Mommy locked herself in the bathroom? It’s called food poisoning. And the door is locked because it’s possible your eyes would never fully recover upon witnessing what is happening on the other side. Why are we having hot cocoa and cereal for dinner? Because those are two [...]