Why my children are on Santa’s naughty list this year
Child No. 1: Bode.
I hate swimming.
OK, let me qualify that. I don’t actually hate being in the water. When I did a study abroad in the Middle East, I relished my early-morning swims in the Sea of Galilee. But due to two failed operations on my nasal passages, I just hate getting my face wet.
Kind of an important factor when you’re swimming.
When we went to Mexico a couple of years ago, Haddie became an excellent swimmer. Three-year-old Bode takes after me. He enjoys the water but hates being submerged. Swim lessons last summer didn’t help help his aversion so I was recently determined to conquer it on a Saturday morning trip to the pool.
“I’m going to dunk you.”
“Nooooooo. You can’t dunk me, Mommy.”
“Sure, it’s fun. Mommy will even do it with you.”
And I did. Don’t tell him but there was nothing fun about it.
We let him get used to the water for a while and then did the deed. And shocker: he did not die. I can’t say he liked it but it definitely overcame his fear. So much so that he brazenly went on the large water slide on the tube with Jamie multiple times, each time getting his face wet.
As we were driving home, we praised him. He relished in his glory but then pointed out that Mommy didn’t go on the waterslide.
Traitor.
I hemmed and hawed about it but nothing worked. Finally, Jamie interjected:
“Bode, Mommy isn’t a fish like you!”
“Dat’s right. She’s a whale.”
================================
Child No. 2: Hadley.
My 5-year-old daughter Hadley and I were recently sitting at the kitchen table. She was deeply engrossed in coloring when we heard a strange sound, likely the wind blowing our Christmas door hanging. Without looking up, Hadley caustically queried, “What the hell was that?”
My sentiments exactly.
Are your children on Santa’s naughty or nice list this year?
I need to go to bed-I’m laughing hysterically! Thanks Amber!
Love the picture.
Mine are all on the nice list–that’s my story and I’m stickin to it ; )
I was once wearing a pair over overalls (back when they were cool), and I had the bib and back hanging down. My daughter says, “Mom, you look like a cow. Mooo!”
Yeah. Never. Wore. Them. Again.
Thanks for the laugh!
Thanks ladies. Glad to know I’m not alone.
(Insert whale sound here).
Amber, this is hilarious. My youngest once told me proudly…”Mom, you have the biggest butt in our family!!!”
Gee thanks.
Naughty list.
LOL! What made is even funnier is he was sooo proud of himself for saying it. Thought it was the nicest compliment in the world.
I know where you can get some good coal…
Seriously, your kids are awesome. SO much personality!
Mine called me a cow. Of course, I was hooked up to the electric breast pump at the time…
For future reference, Hammond’s Candies (the factory in Denver) has cute little bags of coal. No, this isn’t an ad…just a helpful hint.
Totally understandable.
Love the coal idea!
Too funny!!
Haha … how many times have I pulled out ‘behave or Santa will leave coal in your stocking’ card over the past week? When my daughter was 3, we were getting on the Maine Turnpike when an 18 wheeler pulled into the toll booth next to us. We thought Rebecca was sleeping when all of the sudden from the back seat we heard “shit, that’s a big truck”.
Hi Amber,
My kids are on the naughty list because they were laughing at my v neck sweater that is “groovy”.
And it only gets better as they get older.
Rosey
Groovy? I’d take that as a compliment.
What what on earth are we going to do when Christmas is over and we can’t play the coal in the stocking trump card?!
My little boy told me after I pulled out of the Krispy Kreme “Hot Now” line without the donuts, but mom if you chew them really good you won’t get fat. Then when retelling the story to his dad it was along the lines of mom doesn’t want to get a fatter bum so we don’t get donuts. They go back and forth between the lists at least 10 times a day and I don’t miss the opportunity to let them know. I sure will miss Christmas and it’s leverage when it’s over.
I can just see her angelic little face as she said it…
You aren’t fat…so I am sure he was just referring to whales being majestic…
LOL re: the doughnuts!
And whales…majestic?