A Social Life? Can It Be Done? Really?
Recently a friend said to me that she envied how often I made it out and about socially. That she liked how my husband Bryan and I found time to do all the things we do with other people, either together, or out on our own. I have been thinking about what she said ever since, and wondering if we are really so different than others – or if we have just forced the issue? Are we selfish? Because we need time out for ourselves?
Certainly that is not what my friend meant by her statement. But I am sure some people look at the amount of fraternizing we do and wonder. But I honestly don’t really care – unless it is my son or husband who care, that is. THAT is when I am out of balance and need to step back and find more family time.
Otherwise – weeeeee! Let’s have fun!
I know part of the reason we find more time to go out is because we work together. We are able to have lunch, chit chat during the day, and a whole host of other things that makes spending time apart in the evening a bit easier to bear.
We also have our systems. I started to describe them to my friend and her eyes glazed over. But, basically, they involve an intricate shared calendar and naming conventions that help us avoid misunderstandings. For example, if I put something in the calendar without checking with him, a question mark goes before the entry. That way he knows we still need to discuss the event, that I haven’t committed us to something he might not enjoy doing. Trust me on this one. IT HELPS AVOID MANY ARGUMENTS.
We also have a “Standing Night Out.” Tuesday for him, Thursday for me. Meaning I get to do whatever I want on Thursday night, unless we have a family commitment that overrides it. Pottery class, dinner with a friend, the movies, whatever. Sometimes NOTHING. This also allows us to easily plan things with friends on our nights out without having to run around trying to clear the schedule.
Granted, all this is also easier as Declan gets older. He is 7 now and goes with the flow more and more. But we started our nights out when he was around 2 years old. Truly, it CAN BE DONE. You can have a social life, family life, work life, all of it.
What are some of your tips and tricks for balancing all the facets of YOUR life?
Great post, Aimee. I am so in awe of all you do, and obviously have a lot to learn about balance, or I wouldn’t be up doing my Christmas cards at 3am right now!
The common denominator you’ve taught me with balancing your work, family and social life is your systems and making technology work for you. I love the calendar system you’ve worked out with Bryan and am definitely snagging it. Question marks and all.
I’m keeping hope alive that it will all get easier once we’re out of the terrible two’s!
Before we had our kiddo, my husband and I agreed that being adults and having a life was ESSENTIAL to being a good parent. I think we had our first date when he was maybe three weeks old, we continue with our vacation plans and make sure when we say no it’s for good reason, not just because we’re parents.
I think as a parent, it’s important to analyze what *you* want, not what other people claim that you should want. When my first little one was born, I wanted to be with her. My husband and I reveled in being a family together. We were each amazed at watching the other become a parent. At the same time, we were bombarded by messages telling us we “needed” time out together, that we had to leave our tiny, helpless, breastfed baby (who would not take a bottle) with a sitter so that we could “reconnect.” It took some time, but we finally waded through the guilt trips and decided that we were okay with waiting for some us time. Once she was on solid foods and old enough to drink from a sippy cup (Remember, she would have nothing to do with a bottle. Ever.), we felt like it was a good time to go out. As we have added a second, and then a third child to our lives, as my husband’s work commitments have increased, we have felt more of a need for time out together. We have taken it. It’s been great.
My best advice is not to tell new parents that they “have to,” that they “need,” that they “must.” Give them permission to follow their own hearts. Remind them that they are in a short, intense, stressful season of their lives, and IT WILL PASS. There is beauty here, in the sleep-deprived, milk-soaked moments of the newborn stage, but you will miss it if you are stressing about what you SHOULD do. Listen to your heart, discover what you need, then make it happen. That is my best advice.
We, too, work from a master calendar. I’m the keymaster and the gatekeeper, so it all works out.
No, seriously, I love organizing information, and my husband would just as soon be told when to be where…so it works for us! 
I think that both Holly and Sarah have good points – that is important to remember that you are adults and not just parents – but also do it the way that works for you and not be pressured by other people.
I love the Standing Night Out Idea! We gotta do that! Thanks for the Idea!
I love your ideas. And the main point being, just think about it once in a while!