Donkeys don’t drive very well
I’ve written before about how I used to suffer from Vehicular Tourette’s. I’ve come a long way. I purposely watch my word-choice when around my 3-year old, Claire, because she’ll repeat what I say and use it in a way that would point a huge “Yep, she totally got that from me” finger my way. Having a very verbal child has pretty much cured me, and considering she starting putting together complete sentences when she was 17-months old, we’ve had to be on our toes (and our best behavior) for a while now.
Stock photo by perritorit.
I know there are those who would tsk-tsk for even hearing me admit that I swear at all, but there you have it. In my house growing up, there were no swear words. I never heard my parents swear. The worst my dad would say was “dirty cockroach,” and if you heard that it was best to steer clear until the dust settled. But, I grew up and found my own way of expressing myself. I love using clever words properly, and it just so happens that some of those words are little more brightly colored than others.
…but, that being said, I don’t swear in mixed company. I don’t swear on the blog. I don’t swear around Claire. And, I don’t swear in the car. Usually.
A few months ago, we were driving around town, and this man totally cut me off. He nearly hit my car, and it totally caught me by surprise.
“Jackass!” I yelled, out loud. It was a purely involuntary reaction, and the word fell right out of my mouth when I stomped on the brake.
As soon as I heard myself say it, I glanced in the rear-view mirror to see if Claire was paying attention. There is a list a mile long of words much worse than that, but still…probably not a good idea to use it in front of Claire. I was so glad it was that word that fell out and not another, harder to explain word.
“What happened, Momma?” Claire asked.
“That man almost hit our car!” I said, still rattled. “But, it’s okay, Claire. He didn’t. Everything is okay.”
“What’s a jackass, Momma?” she asked innocently.
“It’s another name for a donkey,” I said, without even missing a beat.
What? It is.
“Why did you call that man a jackass, Momma?”
“Well, I said that because he wasn’t driving very well, and he almost hit us!”
“And donkeys don’t drive very well…do they, Momma?” she asked.
“That’s exactly right, Claire! They certainly don’t.”
They certainly don’t.
So, what about you? Do you use colorful language around your children? Do you have any little “repeat offenders” in your midst? How do you handle it (for them and you)?
“And donkeys don’t drive very well…do they, Momma?” she asked.
That just said it all.
I learned when my kids were young not to voice my opinions whilst driving. One day, I yelled out a certain “S” word, which my daughter promptly repeated 100X. I tried to tell her I’d really said “shoot.” She wasn’t convinced.
Amber, isn’t it funny how we can tell them to do something over and over and over, and it’s like they think we slur or they can’t hear us. We say ONE off-color word, and they hear it the first time and repeat it profusely.
I am so going the “dirty cockroach” route next time.
You are very clever, Momma.
Oh, yes. The little darlings not only pick up certain words, they know the proper context in which to use them. I am careful and not much of a curser. My dad was very colorful in his speaking. Just, wow. He’s toned it down.
I used to be known for some very colorful combinations of all of those fun words in college. I have definitely toned it down since becoming a mother, but must admit that the ones my kids know mostly came from me. Yipes! Just another reminder that I’m not perfect and get opportunities every day to improve.
I am also going to steal your dad’s “dirty cockroach.” I am certain it will come in very handy! Thanks for sharing.
This post could have been written about me!! I have an (almost) 3 year old named Claire and I, too, have a reputation for swearing like a sailor. Used to be way worse and like you, I’ve learned to zip it and censor myself most of the time. I’ve taken to using comic words like “Zoinks!” and “Gadzooks!” and “Blast!” Someone once told me to say “Bubbles” after a swear word if I ever slipped up. Cracked me up… haven’t tried it yet, but I think that would make bubbles a lot more entertaining!!
My husband and I are both poor at editing our selves. I have to give my husband credit though, he can actually bleep out his own swearing. For instance he’ll say “That (silence) dog needs to stop barking!” It makes me laugh most of the time.
My story of driving just recently with my 3 year old is I was stuck behind a car with some older (and i mean MUCH older) people in it going very well under the speed limit.
I had mumbled under my breath “move it grandpa!”
And Adie of course said “Grandpa and Grandma have a van! That’s not them!”
“Your right honey, my mistake.”