When Your Boat Gets Rocked
I grew up in the land of the “True, North, Strong and Freezing.”
OK, so maybe I edited Canada’s national anthem just a wee bit.
I love my hometown Calgary. I always will. When I left to come to college in the United States, a part of me knew I would never live there again. I was OK with that but every time I return home, something pulls at my heartstrings and I want to move back.
Until I endure a millisecond of their excruciatingly long winters.
My next love was Salt Lake City. I moved there after graduation and had the time of my life as a swingin’ single. I ran mountain trails, backpacked the desert, dated a lot, found myself and established a great career as a publicist in Utah’s travel and tourism industry.
And then I met Mr. Lord of the Gourds, my greatest love of all.
He lived in Denver and I fell in love with the packaged deal immediately. When we sat down to decide upon where we would live, three things sealed our fate: he lived in a fabulous city, had a great job and his wonderful parents were nearby. I packed up everything I had worked so hard to build in Utah and never looked back.
Until now.
Jamie’s parents are moving to Utah to live near the majority of our extended family. They put their house on the market early-September and it was sold a few weeks later. They will be gone by the end of the month.
They have been such an integral part of our children’s lives and this has completely rocked our boat. I had envisioned we would live and die in Denver. I love Colorado and we had everything we needed. But now, a very important part of the “everything” formula is leaving and I’m left to rethink our status.
Could we someday move back to Utah? Would we be as happy there as we are here?
These are answers I never thought I would even ask. I had left it all behind. And now here I am lately thinking about all my friends and former employers. How I would love to go back and explore all my old haunts with my three great loves in tow.
Of course, these are all just “what ifs” but after living with “this is it” the last seven years of our marriage, it is unsettling to me.
And so I turn to you: Is this it for you? Are you living where you want to be? How important is it to be close to family? And no, I’m not going anywhere for a good long while. 
I think living near family is pretty important but I haven’t had that luxury in 8 years. I say go where your heart leads you. It sucks to live somewhere just because of a job.
No,defintaly not living where I want to be. I dream of moving back to Utah all the time!( or Colorado at least!(
I MISS so much having family near by. Not having Jamie’s family near~That one is gonna hurt ya!Lets both of us move back to Utah!You could have both family AND old neighbors!
No, we aren’t where we will end up forever and ever. Unless something major happens. But we love it here for now, and are looking forward to future moves. We’ll see where the journey settles in and “home” is made.
As far as family, while it would be nice to be closer to them, it’s not really a realistic goal for us. We’ve lived near them for much of the past 10 years, and while it was wonderful, we just had to go where the right job was.
It’s tough to have to make sacrifices. If you can have the best of both worlds…go for it!
I learned a long time ago to bloom where you’re planted – just as you have. Every time we visit family I start to think about “what ifs” – what if we moved back? what if we have to stay here until we retire? what if my kids never know their extended family like I want? You can kill yourself and waste a lot of time with what ifs. When it comes down to it, for me, I just have faith that when the time for us to change our present circumstances, the path will be presented and we will deal with it. Until then, I enjoy my life and the people in it. Life is too short to waste time with “what ifs”.
You’ve been reading my adventures for a long time.
I really don’t need to be close to my family and as I always say, we live in São Paulo until a strong wind send us to some place else (it may occur earlier than we were planning :S).
I have lived in a lot of different places (in Canada and the US) and always knew I would settle back home again, which I did when Marissa was a baby. Wouldn’t move anywhere else again. Family is important but not THE most important thing. Most of my family live with a couple hours driving so that is good.
Hi Amber,
How strange that you should ask this question” is this it ?” for us. Because that is what we talked about all weekend long. No more snow, where to, good jobs? family? good gardening? close to church and school stuff? And came back to staying here, unless my husband gets laid off, which is pretty unpredictable with a start up company.
Considering the life you have built here, I can understand why you would not want to move back to Utah. Sometimes we just gotta bloom where we are planted. Sometimes being transplanted makes us a stronger plant. ( Ok I am a gardener, and these terms are understandable to me.)
Good luck, what ever you do!
Rosey
We live in NH, 5 minutes from my husbands parents. Some days its great and other days I wish we didn’t live quite so close. My parents live in SLC and I miss them terribly but how sweet it is when we have reunions! Be glad you will only be a 1/2 days drive away. The reunions will be joyous!
I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this! I know it’s stressful for you.
We have a different story. Over 10 years ago, we purposely moved to Colorado because of the weather and the mountains, knowing we’d be leaving both our families behind. To be honest, it was really easy to do. That sounds a lot colder than it is. We still love our relatives, but we wanted to strike out on our own. We settled here and have started our own family here.
Because we don’t have family near us, we’ve always had to find ways of making things work. Luckily, we’ve found trusted babysitters, etc. and it works out for us.
Will the three of us always be in Colorado? Maybe. Maybe not. We absolutely love it here, but we are not opposed to finding adventure elsewhere.
I know it’s cliche, but home is where the heart is. My heart is here, wherever “here” is.
A timely topic! We just had our third kid and live in a little 2-bedroom townhouse outside of D.C. and all of the rest of our family is in the western states. We really really really need more space to stretch out (a yard! a third bedroom!) But being on the brink of buying a bigger house makes me panic a little and wonder if we should be looking at the possibility of not relocating to a bigger place here, but relocating closer (within a days drive) to family. We’ve never lived close to family in all our married years, but having kids makes living across the country from everyone a little sad when we go to visit and see our kids as the outsiders who need time to warm up to people. It’s hard to know what to do! There are great things about where we live, but great possibilities closer to home too. Ack! Too hard to decide!
Family and support are SO important. I can understand why you feel unsettled and are questioning decisions that had previously been made.
I think this is a good thing — to re-consider your status and not let major life decisions be made from inertia. You may examine it and decide to stay. You may decide that a move is better for your family. The point is that YOU DECIDE. You are not on automatic.
Selfishly, though, I vote for you staying!
Oh I hope we are not where we are going to stay. Gable is in Medical school in Cleveland, Ohio. It is not a bad place but I never want to live her long term. We both grew up in Colorado and want to go back there like the Ft Collins area. Family is really important but like my father in law always tells me they are just a plane ride away. So in the same state is great but not the end all.
We had to leave Virginia (my homeland, if you will) because of my husband’s job and the longer we are in Georgia the more it feels like home. I don’t think we will stay here forever, though. I don’t know…I can see why having Jamie’s parents move is totally unsettling to you.
On an unrelated note…I thought of you and your Linus this morning because The Today Show featured a segment on the largest pumpkins grown in the world. One was even carved into a jack-o-lantern. Hopefully, next year, Mr. Lord of The Gourds will get to shine again.
In 2006 we moved from my beloved Colorado to Phoenix, AZ to be near my husbands twin and to hopefully find a better employment opportunity. I’m frequently asked if we are going to stay in Phoenix now that my brother-in-law has moved to San Diego. I like Phoenix, it is a good place to be, we have a great ward family here, but we are so far away from any of our family. Ideally I hope that we’ll later have the opportunity to move back closure to family. However, last spring my husband enrolled in college so I figure we will be here for at least the duration of that endeavor.
We have only been married just over three years and this is our third home due to my husband’s job. We’ve made each house a home every time we’ve moved and made the best of every situation. I have dear friends in all of the places we’ve lived.
I love the adventure, but my heart will always long for the midwest where I grew up. Some day we will move back. There may be a move or two heck, possibly three before we make it back there. For now we enjoy our time at the lake in the summer and look forward to the day we can call it home.
It’s been hard to leave family and friends, but it’s made us stronger. God has blessed us each time with a great church family who gives us support and are like our own family.
Be thankful you have the flexibility with both of your jobs to relocate if you choose to. I will pray for your decision. You guys will make the most of it whatever you decide!
I’m from Calgary as well, and have been here in Highlands Ranch for almost a year. It is truly a wonderful place to live, but… my heart lies in Alberta. Family is so important to have around when the little ones are growing up (I have a 7 & 3 year old). Alas, we have no family members here and I am desperately wanting to be with them. We have 2 more years here and then we will most likely return to Calgary. It’s a conundrum, that’s for sure! If you are able to move and be by family, I would say go for it. You can always return to Colorado later in life.
Good luck with your decision.
Okay, TMI moment – Amber, your post totally made me cry – my husband and I are looking to move out of CO in the next year or so, so that we can finally settle in and start our family.
It’s terrifying and exciting. I just had a major breakdown on Thursday about this, too. I LOVE my job and friends, but know that CO is not my “forever” home. Uggh, it’s agonizing. We are not moving for family, friends or jobs, just a new quality of life. It’s such a see-saw of emotion to move.
Okay, I’m done sharing! Thank you for your post!
Amber.. Allow me to say. *cries* I’d miss you! I’d miss that smile at random events that we both go to, or to read your blogs, or even hearing how the kids are doing and/or my favorite Pumpkin King!
Now… for how I feel about moving:
It’s the heart, it’s where you belong, you know it when all the BS goes away and you can stand to feel it again.
If you see Utah and know it’s where you belong, for now, then go there! Colorado is one of those places that when you come here, it becomes you. The hiking, the weather, the people, the opportunities… it’s you!
But sometimes you outgrow Colorado, because of other pulls at your heart. You will always have a lifeline here that will pull you on vacation, to live, whatever… do what your heart asks of you.
You fit Colorado… now I didn’t know you in the other places, but when I see you with Colorado mountains in the background.. it’s you. That’s how I know it for me… when I see my kids and I sitting around the firepit, or I see the silhouette of the mountains off the back porch.. I feel home.
I’m glad you might not be leaving for a long time, I love having you here! That’s my selfishness speaking….
Hey Amber –
Well, since we both grew up on the ‘Close’ this one rings very true for me too.
I knew when I left Calgary in ’91, I’d never live there again. My mum moved back east, and that was it for family in Calgary.
I find your article so timely, as we’ve struggled with this quite a bit as of late. We have no family left living here in Seattle. My dad & stepmom moved to the Island almost 3 years ago. And we sure do miss those Sunday dinners. At the time they may have seemed trivial, but now there’s a real lack of permanence here.
All my family is north of the border. All my husband’s family is way south.
Not sure what we’re going to do, but as you get older – family becomes more and more important {imo}.
Just give it some adjustment time. Your decision will come to you.
I’m originally from Florida and my husband is from Michigan. We met at UF and moved to Atlanta as soon as we graduated. We never looked back. We loved Atlanta and it felt so much like home. Then, all of a sudden, it didn’t. We took a vacation out to Denver and we were sold instantly. The good news is I have relatives close by so we never feel alone. And, my MIL is moving in with us next month (hopefully, this is good news). But I don’t think I’ll ever get my mom and sister out here. Even though they’d love it, they’re Florida girls through and through and I can’t change that.
I think if it’s right for you to move back to Utah, it will become clear. And you say even if it did happen, it wouldn’t be for a while. Anyway, I hope you stick around!
I live in Oregon but I’m orginally from Utah. We’re in OR to stay, but I admit that I fantasize about moving “home” all the time. I’m really hoping that someday (soon) this feels like home too.
For us the important thing is to live within a day’s drive of the grandparents (five hours to one set, six hours to the other). That said, we had to go where the work was. Luckily the two coincided for us!
I can relate to your feelings. I am originally from KS and moved to Colo 18 yrs ago. My husband and I love it here. It’s a wonderful place for kids to grow up but when I visit KS I still feel that tug of home. It’s where my roots are.
i moved here to the denver area in 1990 from california with husband, 2 year old daughter, and 7 months pregnant, and we moved away from all of our family not knowing anyone here.
why moved away from family? because we didn’t want to raise our family in crowded southern california. we love it here and it’s a perfect place to raise a family.
i love it here and could live here forever but i’d also be open to living somewhere else if the conditions and situation is right. i think there are a lot of factors that should go into deciding where to raise a family, which takes some time to think about – weighing the pros and cons. i’m sure that’s what’s ahead of you. good luck.
Wow, moving is a big deal, especially to a different state. I enjoy where I live but wouldn’t mind living in another part of the state.
My husband & I met here in CO and moved here independently of each other knowing we wanted to be here. We have no family in the state – his family is all over the Pacific NW and mine is NY and FL. There is no easy solution for us to live near everyone and we don’t like lots about each area when we’ve discussed it. We both adore living in CO so we deal with traveling and not seeing people as much as we would like.
I never even thought about moving until I became a mom and then I had some guilt about it but I feel our quality of life is so much richer here that it’s a trade off we were willing to make. We are happy here.
I’m sure your heart will let you know what to do. At least you don’t have to get on an airplane to see them – you could even take the train to visit which is fun!
Besides, who would be the queen of Mile High Mamas if you moved?
I am so not living where I want to be and it is not likely I will be any time soon. The best part is that I get ripped up every so often and put in another place I don’t want to be. I make wherever I am home and it is always painful for me to move but that is a fact of the military life and I knew that when I let my husband join up. If you move you will get over it and make the place you live home since home is where your husband and kids are.
We are living where we will probably stay for a very very long time. I actually didn’t want to move home. But this is where my husband got a job. And I am loving it. And since moving back home, 2 of my sisters have moved back with their family in tow. Now, I’m just missing one.
Sometimes I wish we lived closer to family… and other times, it’s nice to have a “buffer” of sorts. I don’t think we’re settled here. We struggle with so many things here in Southern California. It just doesn’t feel like home. But, we’re making it work for now!