Mama Drama: Respectful Independence
March 12, 2010 – 7:00 am | No Comment

Dear Mama Drama:
My eight-year-old son has recently become very rude and disrespectful. Every time I ask him to do something he argues with me. When I try to help him with something he becomes surly …

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Home » Humor, Marriage

“P” is for Pumpkin, Patch and Possessed

Submitted by Amber Johnson on April 13, 2009 – 12:00 am17 Comments

pumpkinsnuggle 1It is officially pumpkin season.

Of course, “pumpkin season” is year-round when you are married to a man who is obsessed with growing The Great Pumpkin. From the moment Jamie cut his 755-pound pumpkin from the vine last year, his thoughts turned to his new patch. He stalked Craigslist and reacted faster than Pavlov’s dog whenever anyone offered free compost. He raised worms in our garage (after my adamant protest against our basement). He built a pumpkin genetics Web site and updated his pumpkin blog, took various soil tests, and swapped seeds with growers around the world.

Like I said: a year-round obsession.

Early-March, I went into the children’s playroom in the basement and noticed a strange glow coming from the closet. In a Poltergeist-esque manner, I threw open the door, only to discover a makeshift greenhouse he called “The Grow Room.”

Law enforcement officers: I can assure you that he is only growing test pumpkins.

At least that is his claim.

Our winter has not been without its share of drama such as when he realized some compost he received had sodium levels high enough to render the patch toxic. Or when he lost our 2-year-old son at the pumpkin patch (or in his words: momentary misplaced.)

He is mere weeks away from planting his seeds. The culmination of all his efforts will be at the Rocky Mountain Giant Vegetable Growers weigh-off at the end of September where he hopes his pumpkin will tip the scale at over 1,000 pounds. The Colorado record is held by Wheat Ridge dentist Joe Sherber at 1,135 pounds.

Last year, we also attended our local harvest festival. We did not enter because 1) have you ever tried to repeatedly move a 755-pound pumpkin? 2) His pumpkin outweighed the winner by 400 pounds and would have broken their small scale.

Minor details.

Jamie did, however, capitalize on the situation. I was amused to see him distributing his pumpkin business cards (because evidently every giant pumpkin grower should have them). I may have some made up for myself this season as well:

Amber Johnson
Pumpkin Widow

Because misery is looking for company.

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17 Comments »

  • Heather says:

    You are listed on the blog list of Angie at Keep Believing. You know that she lost her husband to cancer on March 17. Angie and Brian would have celebrated their 12th wedding anniversary on April 19. I am hoping that I can get everyone in her blog list to post on their blogs at 12:00 am on April 19 a post with the title “Keep Believing” so that when she opens her blog, her blog list is filled with recent posts all titled “Keep Believing”. I don’t know how else to arrange this other than commenting on blogs, so forgive my off-topic comment. I would ask that you keep the post up for 24 hours in case she doesn’t look right away, and you don’t have to publish anything with it, just the title will do. I am using the scheduled post feature provided by blogger so I don’t forget. Thanks so much. Heather.

  • superpaige says:

    Well, at this the man has goals, right?

  • JoAnn, The Casual Perfectionist http://thecasualperfectionist.com says:

    I think the look on his face in that photo says it all!! Have you found a local support group? ;)

  • Holly says:

    First, I have been meaning to comment on your Easter story. Love hearing stories where people with good hearts help out others. Hope your Easter was great!

    Also, how in the WORLD do you get that thing from place to place? I totally imagine driving behind a run away pumpkin on the freeway. Let me know when you guys plan to drive somewhere with that thing, and I’ll go out and buy an SUV!

  • Awesome Mom says:

    Good luck with that! At least it is getting him out of the house and exercising somewhat. My husband is glued to the computer a lot of the time.

  • Kari says:

    I can’t wait to hear about Jamie’s growing season. Your pain is our entertainment!

  • Kari says:

    P.S. LOVE the picture!

  • Terra says:

    but how cool ARE those giant pumpkins! Come on you know you love it!

  • Candace says:

    Pumpkin widow–snort. I am a baseball widow and I think my season is longer than yours because it then continues into hockey season!

  • Candace says:

    Oh, and my husband is a copy but I won’t tell him about the green house. :-)

  • Bonnie says:

    Oh this cracks me up. Pumpkin business cards? I love it! At least it’s a good clean hobby right?

  • diana/sunshine says:

    i never thought about how long those giant pumpkins grow. i guess you would have to plant the seeds pretty early. october 31 just seems so far away and that is a long time to be a pumpkin widow. my sympathies =)

    http://www.sunshine-on-my-shoulders.blogspot.com

  • Jennifer says:

    I feel for ya, I truly do.
    That is no ’small’ hobby.

    Check out my musical post, it may cheer you up a little…. if not get you up and dancing. :o)

  • guinevere meadow says:

    Pumpkin business cards?

    Wow.The man TRULY is obsessed.

    At least he’s spending his spare time doing something which is productive.

    1,000 pounds of pumpkin is pretty darn productive.

  • Beckie says:

    This blog post is hilarious- you need to write a book about your husband’s passion for pumpkins- it makes me laugh! Would be good material for a sitcom. thanks for making me laugh- and I did take my pic today- get it to you in the next couple days- thanks for inviting me to blog of MHM- I look forward to it..

  • Allie says:

    Dear Pumpkin Widow,

    You are not alone! With spring here, I am officially (or was) a Golf Widow starting in March. While my hubby may not play in soil or with worms daily, he does play in the sand and search for balls in the bushes on a daily basis. And I guess that I should fess up now and admit that my husband does get paid to do this particular hobby of his, although not much.

    I feel your pain – I really do and my status will remain as such until at least November, when the golf season officially wraps up. So … seeing as our children are so close in age, we should meet up sometime for some quality togetherness.

    Until then, chin up there girl. :)

    Love – The Golf Widow

    PS – wanna exchange business cards?

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