Lunch will be served in the machete aisle
When I nurse in public, I am nervous.
Is someone going to glare at me? Will they abruptly steer their children in the opposite direction once it’s clear the baby hidden under the green blanket isn’t simply asleep? What if a security guard, store manager, or Citizen Busybody leaps into action, operating under the authority of protecting the masses from the threat posed by a 12-pound bundle of sweet instinct?
What would I do?
I’ve heard the stories and so have you. Nursing moms have been confronted in restaurants and lingerie stores, shoe stores and at 35,000 feet. Word spreads, indignation grows, polls are taken, opinions are divided.
Meanwhile, another baby is hungry and another mom must wrangle with the logistics of lifting her shirt while trying to live a public life. It shouldn’t be this hard.
My most recent nursing-in-public experience was at an outdoor superstore featuring indoor waterfalls and hundreds of dead or stuffed animals posed on boulders, many with bared fangs and flared nostrils. Nearly everything under the cavernous roof is meant to assist people in trapping, catching, and killing animals for food and sport. We visited out of sheer curiosity and to see if the rumor is true: Yes, they have a live catfish the size of a surly middle-schooler, stink-eye included.
Our 2.5 month old son got hungry. I had to report for duty, but where? I remembered a bench I noticed by a wide window on the second floor. It was tucked behind several shelves and spinning racks. It seemed quiet and out of the way.
I sat and arranged his blanket around my shoulder. He latched on and ate, fully covered. I looked out the window, but I was also very aware of who was browsing the area and how they were reacting to us.
Nothing. Nobody stared, nobody shook their head, nobody retrieved a person with too many keys and a nametag.
Maybe it’s because I was three feet away from the machete and gator saw display?
There was no fight because people are basically good and decent. They notice a mom and a baby sitting in a bench and they go on with their business, even if that business happens to be finding a good knife to fillet bunny rabbits.
The notable negative nursing experiences we hear about online or in the news pits nursing mom against the rest of society. It’s unfair for all of us. When we half-expect a battle, we think twice about where and when to feed our little ones. This, ironically, feeds in to the idea that the act of nursing is something to sneak into life. If you go into the bathroom because you are worried what someone might think, that someone might think you are actually okay with eating amongst the unflushable.
You aren’t, are you?
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My husband’s aunt (a wic nurse) ALWAYS stops and comments to nursing moms how wonderful she thinks it is that they are breastfeeding…possibly to a point of awkwardness, but she is very well-intentioned.
Our local mall recently redesigned a corner of the mall near the bathrooms to have a lovely sitting area for nursing as well as 3 or 4 private rooms with little couches if you want a little more privacy. It also has a sink and microwave, set aside for formula use only, and everything is has a kid size version as well. It’s pretty nice and cozy!
This is so good and important, Gretchen. The high-profile cases that get covered by news and blogs are the exception, right? Every day, nursing moms go about the business of feeding their babies wherever they are and I think, for the most part, life goes on. I think you make a great point that sometimes we are super sensitive to the idea that someone is going to come along and usher us to the bathroom at any minute. As nursing mothers, we need to be grounded in the fact that breastfeeding is NORMAL. When we exude the vibe that what we are doing is really not that big of a deal, I think it shows to those around us.
(Of course, it can’t hurt to brush up on your state’s breastfeeding in public laws/rights/policies, too, right?)
I nursed my son in public many times without any problems, so I was flabbergasted when I did it under a tree at an outdoor children’s festival and two women sitting nearby got up and left in a huff while making nasty comments. Wow. That made me much more self-conscious about future feedings!
I am in the Nurse Wherever You Want But Just Be Discreet camp. Boobs are boobs no matter what their function and they make many people uncomfortable. I never had any backlash when I nursed in public but I always made sure I wasn’t flashing anyone.
It’s funny, I never worry about this. I guess I’ve known people who’ve had bad experiences, but it’s never occurred to me that I would.
I was terrified that I’d have to have a nursing battle and always had a response at the ready. Mostly I specialized in stealth nursing. I really enjoyed my Maya wrap for that reason. Several times I nursed my son right to sleep in the middle of a restaurant and no one (even the friends we were dining with) had a clue. On the flip side, I also think obvious nursing is a good thing to do, because folks who have a problem with it really need to learn that it is a total natural, beautiful process and that they are the ones who need to get over it!
I always wonder too. A couple of weeks ago, my husband and I were out to dinner, with Levi, of course and he was hungry. So I fed him. But I was so very aware of an 8ish year old boy watching me very intently. I was even covered. But it made me feel so awkward.
And I too always wonder if someone is going to say something to me sometime.
Back when I was in the breastfeeding days, I did so in so many different places that I’ve lost count! The bathroom was ALWAYS my LAST resort! Eat in a bathroom? Ick!
I always found a relatively discreet place to do it, but my daughter refused to eat with a blanket on her head. As a gift, my mother-in-law had purchased some really cool nursing tops for me. They were so discreet that it really looked like I was holding a sleeping baby!
The only negative comment I got was when I wasn’t even feeding her. The mother of one of my friends was appalled that I was breastfeeding at all…and she hadn’t even caught me in the act. (My own relatives didn’t understand why I was breastfeeding “for a whole year!?” …but that’s another story.)
I was taken aback at first, but realized that their comments were more about them than me.
By the way, it was a BLAST meeting you last night! And, your little guy is ADORABLE!
the only negative comments i’ve gotten have been from my own family. my husband is the worst about feeling uncomfortable and giving me the look when i breastfeed in public and this is our 4th! you’d think he’d be used to it by now. it’s more that he doesn’t want to be on display and is afraid i’ll attract attention.
While I’ve had my issues with BF in public, it always ends with the cranky people feeling worse than I do.
I work for WIC as a breastfeeding peer counselor, and I try my best to avoid saying anything about any form of negative experience. I think it sets women up to be afraid, and then they end up nursing in a hot car, if at all. I like to err on the side of “Hey, I bet no one will ever notice” than “Be prepared to fight for your right to feeeeeeeeed your babyyyyyyyyy!”
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I am such a fan of public nursing (under wraps, of course!). The only two awkward experiences I’ve ever had in my almost 6 years of nursing were #1 on a plane, when I was trying to get my first baby to nurse during take-off for ear-equilibrium purposes, and a pre-adolescent boy was sitting across the aisle from me, gawking. #2 when my husband’s grandfather walked upstairs to see the new baby and kept oohing and aahing about how sweet he was, and my wasn’t he just a darling little baby–all snuggled up and asleep, er, uh, –that’s the only danger of a good nursing top; they’re just too good! The first episode made me feel uncomfortable, the second was amusing, but neither has been scary or offending. I think you’ve got a great point, Gretchen; the whole nursing mothers v. the public discussion puts up defenses that just shouldn’t be there.
I still get that nervous feeling when it’s time to nurse in public, but I’ve never had a negative situation- even probably flashing more than I meant to in a split second- thankfully I do hope that most people are decent and understanding.
Steph
I nursed my firstborn in a wide variety of places–restaurants, church, beaches, libraries, airplanes, parks, parked cars, and even sometimes at home. Then I had twins. They ate at the same time. There is no way to be subtle with that. If I was out and had to feed one at the time, the other one WAILED the entire time. Not so subtle. I stayed home a lot more when they were babies.
Great post, and a good reminder. Most people get it.
I’ve seen the Breast Cancer Awareness bumper stickers all over the place lately that say “Save the Boobies” and “Yeah for Ta-Tas” (or something like that) that I’ve got to think that people aren’t THAT grossed out by womanhood.
There are always going to be people who are just rude – but I figure that’s their problem, not the mother/child breastfeeding!
Alas, I never got the opportunity to grapple with this issue, but I love the image of you being all nurturing and life-giving right next to tools used to filet bunny rabbits.
Yin and yang.
I never got any negative feedback while nursing in public, although I was always careful, used a cover, etc. People are mostly supportive, or at least, if they figure out what I’m doing, just go the other way. I enjoyed seeing my Aussie friends who are simply comfortable nursing in front of each other.
I did, however, overhear negative grousing from two older women at the Renaissance festival who clearly thought I shouldn’t have been out in the heat at 8 months pregnant!
It’s always something, right?
MMmmm… great post. I can’t think of all the places I’ve had to pull it out, but I think you may be right – I can’t remember a time when anyone else contributed to my feeling uncomfortable.
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As a new mom this is something that worries me. I find the logistics of nursing complicated enough at home when not needing to worry about flashing anyone.
Between taking off my coat, rolling sweater out of the way, lifting shirt, removing nursing cup and positioning baby I’m lucky if baby isn’t hysterical with impatience (forget the bra – it’s an extra complication and triggers nipple blanching for me – we’ll try again in the summer when it is warmer)
I’ve heard about nursing wraps before, but that just seems like one more piece of clothing to keep track of. Maybe I should look into better nursing tops.
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