Comments on: Little Boys 101 http://www.milehighmamas.com/2009/02/26/little-boys-101/ Denver parenting, with altitude Thu, 09 Feb 2012 02:04:32 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Mark http://www.milehighmamas.com/2009/02/26/little-boys-101/#comment-5772 Mark Mon, 20 Jul 2009 00:46:24 +0000 http://www.milehighmamas.com/?p=2139#comment-5772 Hello, I have a pretty complex question that probably will not have a canned answer if read correctly. I am a divorced father. My exwife and I share custody on a 50/50 basis. One week on and one week off. My 5 yr old son at times seem to prefer mom when it comes to my week of custody. Once he is with me it is okay but, the transfer from me to her seems to b much easier for him than when he is leaving his moms to come to me. I am concerned that his mom (being an attorney) may be manipulating him in such a way that he does not realize it. Making him want or feel like he needs to stay with her. I have asked very gently if he wanted to stay with his mom more than me but, heck a 5 yr old does not want to hurt either of our feelings. I am very conscious not to get into this on too deep of a level as I do not want him carrying the responsibility of having to care for my or both of our feelings any more than he probably already does. I know little boys prefer mom, that is obvious but, it seems strange sometimes to me that we do so much cool stuff around the house and camping and such that he clings to mom so closely. It is hard to explain but, something seems that it is a little over the top. Also, I am an easy to please Dad, others say that i am very patient and take his needs into consideration around the structure that i feel will make him grow up to be a great man and Christian. I am a Christian and not a religous freak. Rules and mediocraty are far from me. I do not yell or scar my child. i am concentrating and purposeful in the raising of my son and secretly wish i had him always but, i seriously realize how important mom is also. I just do not want him to be screwed up by his mom if she is mistreating him psychologically. This is purely innocent and i have no vindetta or cruel words to say about her other than she left for another man after we had a financial strain when my company had someone steal a large sum of money. The vows mean nothing to most these days. Please help if you have time. I am considering speaking to a professional about this very soon, but, wanted your side. Thank You in advance for your consideration. Divorce sucks! I wish there was a more articulate way to say it? Hello,

I have a pretty complex question that probably will not have a canned answer if read correctly. I am a divorced father. My exwife and I share custody on a 50/50 basis. One week on and one week off.
My 5 yr old son at times seem to prefer mom when it comes to my week of custody. Once he is with me it is okay but, the transfer from me to her seems to b much easier for him than when he is leaving his moms to come to me.
I am concerned that his mom (being an attorney) may be manipulating him in such a way that he does not realize it. Making him want or feel like he needs to stay with her. I have asked very gently if he wanted to stay with his mom more than me but, heck a 5 yr old does not want to hurt either of our feelings. I am very conscious not to get into this on too deep of a level as I do not want him carrying the responsibility of having to care for my or both of our feelings any more than he probably already does.
I know little boys prefer mom, that is obvious but, it seems strange sometimes to me that we do so much cool stuff around the house and camping and such that he clings to mom so closely.
It is hard to explain but, something seems that it is a little over the top. Also, I am an easy to please Dad, others say that i am very patient and take his needs into consideration around the structure that i feel will make him grow up to be a great man and Christian. I am a Christian and not a religous freak. Rules and mediocraty are far from me. I do not yell or scar my child. i am concentrating and purposeful in the raising of my son and secretly wish i had him always but, i seriously realize how important mom is also. I just do not want him to be screwed up by his mom if she is mistreating him psychologically. This is purely innocent and i have no vindetta or cruel words to say about her other than she left for another man after we had a financial strain when my company had someone steal a large sum of money. The vows mean nothing to most these days.
Please help if you have time. I am considering speaking to a professional about this very soon, but, wanted your side. Thank You in advance for your consideration. Divorce sucks! I wish there was a more articulate way to say it?

]]> By: Heather Czerniak http://www.milehighmamas.com/2009/02/26/little-boys-101/#comment-5771 Heather Czerniak Fri, 27 Feb 2009 18:33:23 +0000 http://www.milehighmamas.com/?p=2139#comment-5771 Boys behave aggressively because they've been led to believe that's what's expected of them. I had the same problem with my own son for awhile. Much of his aggressive behavior stems from the stress of having to accept certain realities of being male, not because of maleness itself. My daughter cringed at the possibility of not being attractive enough until I told her to simply avoid people who hold such unrealistic standards. The same goes for my son. I told him that he is still a good person even if he's not as big and tough as the other boys at school. that doesn't mean he can't be the aeronautics engineer he wants to be when he grows up. It also helps to point out that those with impossibly high standers usually wash out earlier in life because eventually everyone else gets sick of their holier-than-thou mentalities. So start your child off with a more realistic perspective. They'll understand it, and they'll appreciate what you've instilled in them. And give those boys a hug. Boys need hugs too! Boys behave aggressively because they’ve been led to believe that’s what’s expected of them. I had the same problem with my own son for awhile. Much of his aggressive behavior stems from the stress of having to accept certain realities of being male, not because of maleness itself. My daughter cringed at the possibility of not being attractive enough until I told her to simply avoid people who hold such unrealistic standards.

The same goes for my son. I told him that he is still a good person even if he’s not as big and tough as the other boys at school. that doesn’t mean he can’t be the aeronautics engineer he wants to be when he grows up.

It also helps to point out that those with impossibly high standers usually wash out earlier in life because eventually everyone else gets sick of their holier-than-thou mentalities. So start your child off with a more realistic perspective. They’ll understand it, and they’ll appreciate what you’ve instilled in them.

And give those boys a hug. Boys need hugs too!

]]> By: Catherine http://www.milehighmamas.com/2009/02/26/little-boys-101/#comment-5770 Catherine Fri, 27 Feb 2009 01:35:08 +0000 http://www.milehighmamas.com/?p=2139#comment-5770 I agree that the personality is the main factor in determining the degree of difficulty in parenting. I guess I just get confused in how to HANDLE situations based on gender. Maybe the bottom line is that I SHOULDN'T handle it differently and Wuss Status be damned. Oh, Jess and Alison... all I can say is good luck. I'm sure you both will do beautifully. :) I agree that the personality is the main factor in determining the degree of difficulty in parenting. I guess I just get confused in how to HANDLE situations based on gender. Maybe the bottom line is that I SHOULDN’T handle it differently and Wuss Status be damned.

Oh, Jess and Alison… all I can say is good luck. I’m sure you both will do beautifully. :)

]]> By: Lori in Denver http://www.milehighmamas.com/2009/02/26/little-boys-101/#comment-5769 Lori in Denver Thu, 26 Feb 2009 20:50:12 +0000 http://www.milehighmamas.com/?p=2139#comment-5769 Ditto what Amber says. At least for now, it's the personalities that determine the, um, energy required in parenting my daughter and son. I'm really glad I have my husband to clue me in to some of the challenges you mention about boys. Because left to my own devices, I would do things polar opposite and inadvertently create a SuperWuss. Ditto what Amber says. At least for now, it’s the personalities that determine the, um, energy required in parenting my daughter and son.

I’m really glad I have my husband to clue me in to some of the challenges you mention about boys. Because left to my own devices, I would do things polar opposite and inadvertently create a SuperWuss.

]]> By: Alison http://www.milehighmamas.com/2009/02/26/little-boys-101/#comment-5768 Alison Thu, 26 Feb 2009 20:48:43 +0000 http://www.milehighmamas.com/?p=2139#comment-5768 Yesterday in a waiting room for an office that does not normally cater to kids, a mom came in with a 10 y/o boy. They sat down and picked up magazines to read, which uncovered a magazine with the word "sex" in an article title. Said boy was aghast and made his mom turn the magazine over. lol. I have a 20 month old boy. He does enjoy banging things, but we just remove toys gently from his presence that get banged (or tossed). He likes to keep his toys, so he's been doing this less...and when he does it is often with a "are you gonna catch me grin." Right now he loves cars and mice more than anything in the world and he has a super sense of humor. We'll see how it pans out, but frankly I look forward to raising a little boy! Yesterday in a waiting room for an office that does not normally cater to kids, a mom came in with a 10 y/o boy. They sat down and picked up magazines to read, which uncovered a magazine with the word “sex” in an article title. Said boy was aghast and made his mom turn the magazine over. lol.

I have a 20 month old boy. He does enjoy banging things, but we just remove toys gently from his presence that get banged (or tossed). He likes to keep his toys, so he’s been doing this less…and when he does it is often with a “are you gonna catch me grin.” Right now he loves cars and mice more than anything in the world and he has a super sense of humor.

We’ll see how it pans out, but frankly I look forward to raising a little boy!

]]> By: Amber Johnson http://www.milehighmamas.com/2009/02/26/little-boys-101/#comment-5767 Amber Johnson Thu, 26 Feb 2009 20:20:09 +0000 http://www.milehighmamas.com/?p=2139#comment-5767 LOL re: your gross out over sex on the DVD cover. :-) LOL re: your gross out over sex on the DVD cover. :-)

]]> By: Amber Johnson http://www.milehighmamas.com/2009/02/26/little-boys-101/#comment-5766 Amber Johnson Thu, 26 Feb 2009 20:19:42 +0000 http://www.milehighmamas.com/?p=2139#comment-5766 It's interesting because the differences between my son and daughter are more to do with their personalities than their gender. Sure, they like gender-specific things i.e. boy likes trucks, girl likes dolls but personality-wise, my daughter is sooooo much more difficult. She's a spitfire and is super independent. My son is a lot more easy-going and loving. Thus far in the game? My daughter has been FAR more difficult! It’s interesting because the differences between my son and daughter are more to do with their personalities than their gender. Sure, they like gender-specific things i.e. boy likes trucks, girl likes dolls but personality-wise, my daughter is sooooo much more difficult. She’s a spitfire and is super independent. My son is a lot more easy-going and loving. Thus far in the game? My daughter has been FAR more difficult!

]]> By: Jess http://www.milehighmamas.com/2009/02/26/little-boys-101/#comment-5765 Jess Thu, 26 Feb 2009 16:50:35 +0000 http://www.milehighmamas.com/?p=2139#comment-5765 I'm not yet anywhere near the backpack stage, nevertheless the girl's bathroom stage, but I have noticed that my 19 month old boy is no where near what I expected out of a baby. He's raucous, he's a dare devil and he thinks it's perfectly okay to hammer everything in site. While everyone says this is perfectly normal "for a boy", I'm terrified of what will come when he's old enough for the backpack and girl's bathroom stage. But, then again, I am the mom that freaks out when her kid runs on grass. http://7cubed.net/babycubed I’m not yet anywhere near the backpack stage, nevertheless the girl’s bathroom stage, but I have noticed that my 19 month old boy is no where near what I expected out of a baby. He’s raucous, he’s a dare devil and he thinks it’s perfectly okay to hammer everything in site. While everyone says this is perfectly normal “for a boy”, I’m terrified of what will come when he’s old enough for the backpack and girl’s bathroom stage. But, then again, I am the mom that freaks out when her kid runs on grass.

http://7cubed.net/babycubed

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