Relationship dynamics–what are yours?
This may come as a surprise to you but I can be high-strung.
Or maybe this is not so shocking to those who know me.
I married a great man who is easy going. I have known from the get-go part of what makes our relationship work so well is how we balance each other out.
* I blog.
* I love eating pumpkin.
* He grows giant pumpkins.
* He blogs about his pumpkins.
See? Match made in heaven.
But it wasn’t until our recent ski trip to Keystone that I had an epiphany about it all. We had arrived at the resort and were unloading the car to check-in. As usual, I was stressed about something. Because that is what I do. And as usual, he tried to calm me down.
I have just accepted that this is the dynamic of our marriage. Sometimes I am appreciative. Other times, it annoys me. What if I don’t want to calm down? What if I am completely validated in freaking out over this?
But last week, I was struck with gratitude that he always talks me off the ledge. And I wondered what my life would be like if I married someone who was not a calming influence in my life. Someone who fueled the fire instead of harmoniously extinguishing the flames.
It would not be pretty.
I have been in relationships like that. I once dated a guy who was exactly like me. I know–it is alarming that this is possible. His strengths were my strengths, his weaknesses were the same. We were both journalists, loved the outdoors and were passionate souls ready to conquer the world. In the beginning, we were on such a high–we were the perfect match. I was so thrilled: I was dating myself!
But then we hit the wall. We didn’t compliment each other in the least. We didn’t learn from one another nor grow together.
And then I woke up with dread one morning: I was dating myself.
Worst. Thing. Ever.
And so I am putting this out to you: if you are in a relationship, what is the dynamic? What works, what doesn’t? What have you learned from past relationships?
My husband is like Jamie and I am like you –and it works, just like yours does! He is definitely a calming influence in my life, and I’ve learned to let things go. But at the same time, I’ve seen how his responsibility for things other than work has grown, too. The best part is how it makes it all mysterious –I sometimes look at him and go “Who are you? Where did you come with that? How does your brain process this stuff?!” and I’m sure he does the same thing to me. But our similiarities take away some of the mystery, and that’s why we can have so much fun together.
When I’m not freaking out, of course.
We are a balancing act, no doubt. We can show each other the other side of things always. It works best for us with the children. He’s really good at handling the middle of the night stuff (which I am not) and I can handle the early morning stuff (not his forte).
My husband compliments me, too. You said it best with the talking you, “off of the ledge” description.
In the past I dated a guy that had the nerve to tell me that he didn’t like hearing about things that I had done without him, like vacations or school trips. It was so weird. I had never met anyone that selfish…before or since…actually.
It would appear it is all about balance for those of us who are unbalanced.
Present company excluded, of course.
Our dynamic is somewhat similar. But I’m more of the master schemer and he’s more of the willing victim
My husband is the stressed out high strung one and I am super mellow. Although sometimes I tend to over think and over plan when he just jumps in the car and leaves so we are really more of a mix.
We are balancing each other. I am much more intense and he is the balm to my intensity. But, what gets interesting is that we sometimes switch sides- I can be more calm and rational in some instances which balances when he isn’t. And- yes- he talks me off the ledge more time than I would like to admit.
Hmm my relationship is incredibly similar to you. I am the worrier and Gable is the easy going one. I am way to implusive and Gable is a methodical thinker hence him being a doctor and me being a wirter/Mk consultant since I get bored with the same old same old! It’s funny because we work on every level. My brother put it best he said that I could look the whole world over and never get anyone as perfect as Gable is for me.
This is a very insightful and funny post.
We go back and forth! One freaks out the other is calm. I’ve heard/read that you rarely will both people play the same roll at the same time. Chances are … if your husband started ‘stressing out’ you’d play the calm roll.
Hmm … don’t believe a word I say. I haven’t a friggin’ clue!
Dating yourself? That is funny. I too am often glad (when I’m not annoyed) that my husband calms me down.
Our dynamic is that our relationship is dynamic – moving, changing, shifting – and thankfully there are slightly more times that we complement each other than times when we act like each other (when there’s rippin’ and snortin’ happenin’).
I just had an epiphany.
I should marry a pumpkin.
For reals.
My hubby is the yin to my yang, but sometimes, I’m the yang to his yin. And, on most days, we’re a nice mixture of both.
There are times when I tend to go off the deep-end, and he’s the calm voice of reason. Other times, I hear that voice come out of my mouth as I pull him out of the water.
In my twenties I was attracted to guys who were very passionate, intense, impulse, and enjoyed it for a while until they began to wear me out and I started to pick at them to make them more moderate.
Now my husband sounds like yours–usually a calming influence. He says he likes my volatility, so I guess it works for both of us. Sometimes I feel guilty about not being calmer, but if it hasn’t happened by the forties, it’s not going to happen. ♠
My husband and I are good together – he tends to go with the flow and loves to be the life of the party and make people laugh. He is calming yet powerful, decisive yet not opinionated…. we seems to compliment each other well. I think you said it best – my strengths are most often his weaknesses and vice versa.
Growing up I was always attracted and dated the “bad boy” guys. Those relationships never worked because I tend to follow suit. I needed someone with strong with voice, ambitions, values and beliefs.
I consider myself lucky to have found Damien…. he’s definitely the better of the two of us and puts up with a lot.
My husband are POLAR OPPOSITES and the only common ground we have is our mutal love of the Vancouver Canucks. Okay, that is stretching it a little but it is pretty darn close to the truth.
Hubby is a total boys boy where it is all about shooting hoops, hitting the links or sweating over dumbbells. Talking is next to none unless it is in the form of grunting and chest pounding. He prefers to stay out of the lime light and never offers an opinion.
Me? Well I live for the lime light. I love to chat and get to know everyone around me. I will try everything almost once and will take chances any opportunity given. If given the chance, I will learn everything about you and love to debate with passion.
He is the social introvert, I am the social extrovert. But somewhere, we manage to find our common ground which usually ends up being in the sporting realm as that is where we are compatible the most. Bring our children into the mix and parenting has given us a whole new playing field to where we can meet and work with each other. And to be truthful, if given a chance, I would steamroll over anyone in sight with my crazy thoughts and ambitions on a whim yet he holds me accountable for everything and will often stop the carnage before it starts.
It has worked for us for almost sixteen years now so we must be doing something right!