Comments on: When The Past Comes Back http://www.milehighmamas.com/2008/11/20/when-the-past-comes-back/ Denver parenting, with altitude Thu, 09 Feb 2012 15:16:13 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: MindyMom http://www.milehighmamas.com/2008/11/20/when-the-past-comes-back/#comment-4281 MindyMom Mon, 24 Nov 2008 16:46:17 +0000 http://www.milehighmamas.com/?p=1188#comment-4281 Recognizing you don't want repeat the mistakes your parents made is a good sign you are being a better parent yourself. My therapist once told me that for the most part, it's emotionally healthy people that seek therapy and not the ones who really need it. Too bad it wasn't as acceptable in our parent's generation as it is now, but then maybe we wouldn't be seeking it if they hadn't been so F'ed up! www.singlemommindy.blogspot.com Recognizing you don’t want repeat the mistakes your parents made is a good sign you are being a better parent yourself. My therapist once told me that for the most part, it’s emotionally healthy people that seek therapy and not the ones who really need it. Too bad it wasn’t as acceptable in our parent’s generation as it is now, but then maybe we wouldn’t be seeking it if they hadn’t been so F’ed up!

http://www.singlemommindy.blogspot.com

]]> By: Anica http://www.milehighmamas.com/2008/11/20/when-the-past-comes-back/#comment-4280 Anica Fri, 21 Nov 2008 12:19:45 +0000 http://www.milehighmamas.com/?p=1188#comment-4280 I am so scared of having children because of what my parents thought of me and how they treated me and my sister and the worst part is that they truly were doing the very best that they could. I am with Catherine. (1st commenter) I am so scared of having children because of what my parents thought of me and how they treated me and my sister and the worst part is that they truly were doing the very best that they could.

I am with Catherine. (1st commenter)

]]> By: snoflake22 http://www.milehighmamas.com/2008/11/20/when-the-past-comes-back/#comment-4279 snoflake22 Fri, 21 Nov 2008 03:01:01 +0000 http://www.milehighmamas.com/?p=1188#comment-4279 I meant to say "safe and healthy house" above. Sorry about the typo! :) I meant to say “safe and healthy house” above. Sorry about the typo! :)

]]> By: snoflake22 http://www.milehighmamas.com/2008/11/20/when-the-past-comes-back/#comment-4278 snoflake22 Fri, 21 Nov 2008 02:59:40 +0000 http://www.milehighmamas.com/?p=1188#comment-4278 Thank you for your honest post. I had a similar upbringing, and it's something I have to let go of every day. Definitely my faith and good friends who I can be honest and transparent with are the most helpful things to me. It helps to be married to a healthy man, who came from a healthy family, so when I am at a loss how to handle a situation, (because there aren't many situations I saw healthy resolution or teaching in as a child) I am grateful he can step in. As kids get older it gets easier. I can now verbalize to my older kids that I'm going to talk to Dad about something and we will handle it later if I'm a loss. Some days I do great. I lay my head on my pillow so blessed that my kids are in a safe, hally house where their parents love them, and love each other. Some days I make mistakes, and yell at them or something, and I have to ask God and my kids to forgive me the next day. I'm a work in progress. The ironic thing is, I don't think I would have ever grown as much, or worked through as much of this as I have without having had kids. It's because of them that I have set healthy boundries with my parents, and that I have become a better person. When I think of who I was before kids, and then who I am now, I wouldn't want to be that person again. SO I'm willing to take the mistakes along with the learning process.... Keep on keepin' on Aimee....the best is yet to be. :) Thank you for your honest post. I had a similar upbringing, and it’s something I have to let go of every day. Definitely my faith and good friends who I can be honest and transparent with are the most helpful things to me. It helps to be married to a healthy man, who came from a healthy family, so when I am at a loss how to handle a situation, (because there aren’t many situations I saw healthy resolution or teaching in as a child) I am grateful he can step in.

As kids get older it gets easier. I can now verbalize to my older kids that I’m going to talk to Dad about something and we will handle it later if I’m a loss.

Some days I do great. I lay my head on my pillow so blessed that my kids are in a safe, hally house where their parents love them, and love each other. Some days I make mistakes, and yell at them or something, and I have to ask God and my kids to forgive me the next day. I’m a work in progress. The ironic thing is, I don’t think I would have ever grown as much, or worked through as much of this as I have without having had kids. It’s because of them that I have set healthy boundries with my parents, and that I have become a better person. When I think of who I was before kids, and then who I am now, I wouldn’t want to be that person again. SO I’m willing to take the mistakes along with the learning process….

Keep on keepin’ on Aimee….the best is yet to be. :)

]]> By: Dr. Cason http://www.milehighmamas.com/2008/11/20/when-the-past-comes-back/#comment-4277 Dr. Cason Fri, 21 Nov 2008 00:22:36 +0000 http://www.milehighmamas.com/?p=1188#comment-4277 It takes a lot of strength to get help and keep a positive outlook. I have to work really hard at getting my children not to dissolve into tears and cry to get what they want. They use a firm but calm tone and let their voice be heard. On second thought, that what i still have to do too! :) http://drcason.org It takes a lot of strength to get help and keep a positive outlook.

I have to work really hard at getting my children not to dissolve into tears and cry to get what they want. They use a firm but calm tone and let their voice be heard. On second thought, that what i still have to do too! :)

http://drcason.org

]]> By: Caloden http://www.milehighmamas.com/2008/11/20/when-the-past-comes-back/#comment-4276 Caloden Fri, 21 Nov 2008 00:07:02 +0000 http://www.milehighmamas.com/?p=1188#comment-4276 One of the amazing things about being a parent is the gift to get out from under our past, remake it if you will. Well, that and much therapy, but still I feel that parenting my three children has been a release from the hauntings of a dysfunctional childhood. It's not always easy to break behavioral patterns and reactions to certain situations, but seeing how old behaviors affect a new generation is a huge motivation to steer things in a better direction. Good luck with it all! http://www.caloden.com One of the amazing things about being a parent is the gift to get out from under our past, remake it if you will. Well, that and much therapy, but still I feel that parenting my three children has been a release from the hauntings of a dysfunctional childhood. It’s not always easy to break behavioral patterns and reactions to certain situations, but seeing how old behaviors affect a new generation is a huge motivation to steer things in a better direction.

Good luck with it all!

http://www.caloden.com

]]> By: Kagey http://www.milehighmamas.com/2008/11/20/when-the-past-comes-back/#comment-4275 Kagey Thu, 20 Nov 2008 22:04:51 +0000 http://www.milehighmamas.com/?p=1188#comment-4275 I have a theory that we make the mistakes of our grandparents. We vow to not make the mistakes our parents did, go a little overboard the other direction, and end up making the mistakes our grandparents did -- which is what caused our parents to be the way they are. It's like a bad pendulum that you have to consciously stop, or at least decrease the swing. But half the battle is being conscious of the fact that under duress you will do what your parents did, without thinking. So you have to decide, before you're hard pressed, how you'll handle the tough situations. Sounds good. Harder to implement! I have a theory that we make the mistakes of our grandparents. We vow to not make the mistakes our parents did, go a little overboard the other direction, and end up making the mistakes our grandparents did — which is what caused our parents to be the way they are.
It’s like a bad pendulum that you have to consciously stop, or at least decrease the swing.
But half the battle is being conscious of the fact that under duress you will do what your parents did, without thinking. So you have to decide, before you’re hard pressed, how you’ll handle the tough situations.
Sounds good. Harder to implement!

]]> By: pisceshanna http://www.milehighmamas.com/2008/11/20/when-the-past-comes-back/#comment-4274 pisceshanna Thu, 20 Nov 2008 20:47:14 +0000 http://www.milehighmamas.com/?p=1188#comment-4274 One of those "life lesson" coffee table books said simply, "Blame your parents and move on with your life." Easier said than done, eh? www.pisceshanna.wordpress.com One of those “life lesson” coffee table books said simply, “Blame your parents and move on with your life.” Easier said than done, eh?

http://www.pisceshanna.wordpress.com

]]> By: Aimee Greeblemonkey http://www.milehighmamas.com/2008/11/20/when-the-past-comes-back/#comment-4273 Aimee Greeblemonkey Thu, 20 Nov 2008 20:06:45 +0000 http://www.milehighmamas.com/?p=1188#comment-4273 Thanks so much for all your thoughtful responses and support! Thanks so much for all your thoughtful responses and support!

]]> By: Philip http://www.milehighmamas.com/2008/11/20/when-the-past-comes-back/#comment-4272 Philip Thu, 20 Nov 2008 19:20:48 +0000 http://www.milehighmamas.com/?p=1188#comment-4272 Thanks for your story. Mine is very similar, though while my Dad was the abuser, it was my Mom who was his enabler. All of my Dad's tantrums were caused by "you kids"...For that reason, I never wanted kids of my own, feeling that I didn't know how to be a good father. After all, you cannot drive to LA by NOT driving to NY. Thanks for your story! Thanks for your story. Mine is very similar, though while my Dad was the abuser, it was my Mom who was his enabler. All of my Dad’s tantrums were caused by “you kids”…For that reason, I never wanted kids of my own, feeling that I didn’t know how to be a good father. After all, you cannot drive to LA by NOT driving to NY.

Thanks for your story!

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