What is your parenting style: Cheerleader or Coach?
In our younger, leaner years, Secret Agent Man was an athlete. I was a dancer. So how did we end up with uncoordinated kids?
My twin boys can’t run. You know the kids that shuffle up and down the soccer field with their feet never fully coming off the ground? They would be mine.
Mini Me, my daughter, loves to dance. She has been in a local cheerleading program for three years. She always ends up getting “The Spirit Award” as opposed to something like “Best Jumps.”
Mini Me, like her mother, is high energy. Her coach is very encouraging and says that being energetic is what cheerleading is all about. But, unlike me, a former “All-American Pom-pom Girl” and former college ballroom dance champion, she forgoes technique in favor of an Elaine Benes-type dance style.
Whenever I have tried to “coach” my kids, I am met with resistance. Admittedly, it could be my approach.
I lost my voice from yelling coaching from the sidelines at my boy’s first soccer game. I didn’t anticipate my reaction to seeing the twins standing idly by with their arms inside their jerseys while six other players ran past them.
Spending an afternoon mute gave me a lot of time for introspection. I decided that I’d better bring a magazine to every game and try not to watch. No matter what the outcome, they would get a pat on the back and ice cream for a game well finished.
Mini Me does not appreciate my coaching, either. Next year she has the opportunity to try out for the performance team, but unless she can reign in some of her energy and improve her skills, her cheerleading career could be over at the ripe old age of seven. Whenever I try to show her proper technique she says,
“Mom, can’t you just let me do it my way?”
So, how do you do it? How do you balance being your kid’s “cheerleader” with “coaching” them through life?
My husband had this conversation just the other day. Y’see we were both pretty serious athletes in our younger years and naturally assumed our children would be as well.
Our 4-year-old started soccer and well, she’s that kid hanging from the goal post who rarely touches the ball. Last Saturday was stressful as we not-so-gently guided her from the sidelines. It was NOT enjoyable in the least so we’re turning to the cheerleader approach this week.
This is such a great question. When I watched “Little Miss Sunshine” I wondered what I would do if I were her parent.
I think there’s a lot to be said for enthusiasm and fun.
I was raised on the Serious (coaching) end of the spectrum, and I am trying to move more toward the Fun (cheering) side with my kids. If I combine my default setting and my intention, perhaps I’ll find the happy medium.
http://www.pedalingfast.blogspot.com
great question/discussion/thought
it is amazing how different things turn out with our kids, than expected.
i hope i am more a cheerleader- always encouraging and trying to find that thing they love (not necessarily -what i love) and go with it, pay for the lessons and promote it with encouragement and enthusiasm.
I wish I were good at achieving this balance. Although I have noticed that when I give sincere praise and encouragement, my kids are happier, more confident, and also more likely to ask me for help. I would like to think that maybe if I sincerely complimented them and said, “You are good at ___! I love it too and really enjoyed it when I was growing up. I’d be happy to show you a few things that helped me if you are ever interested.” and then leave it up to them. I don’t know, but when it’s not perceived as criticism, our help is so much easier to ask for and accept.
Good luck Annie! Your kids are still so young–there’s lots of time for them to get serious about improving. You’re wise to let them enjoy it without the stress of being concerned about the level of their performance.
I’m definitely more of a cheerleader, but I do strive to push them at what I know they are good at. I danced my whole life, I enjoyed sports, but dancing was always priority. It will be interesting to see what happens with my 1 year old little girl… I want her to dance and love it and be good… this could be interesting!
I’m my baby’s bestest cheerleader!! I think it’s important to show her how very proud I am of her achievements!
I’m my baby’s biggest cheerleader!! I think it’s important to show her how very proud I am of her achievements!
I think I am an assistant coach…..you know….I reiterate what the coach is saying, but in a sweeter way….and I cheer too.
I have to say that my kids are uncoachable by me. I know because I have lost my voice yelling at my son’s basketball games. Only to have him tell me he “never” heard me.
I am a coach first. When they listen and do it right (meaning my way, mostly) then I cheer and cheer.
When my now 17 y/o boy was about 10 he asked if he could clean his room his way. I told him yes, if he didn’t mind that I took out the trash from his room my way. Only took once.
When Mini Me told me to let her dance her way I agreed as long as her coach/teacher was okay with it. When I laughed at her cuteness, but lack of style she got upset. So I asked her if I could cheer my way. She “hmpf-ed” and walked off.
Balance, right?
I’m a coach at home and a cheerleader in public!
At games I will cheer and yell all I want (meaning a lot!), but it’s only encouragement. I can’t stand it when parents yell AT their children or at the coach or at the referee. UGH.
At home I’ve tried giving advice and coaching my kids to do things “my way”, which is the best way, of course!
It’s never gotten me ANYWHERE!!!
I coach sports for five year olds at my church. I always ask the parents to refrain from coaching the kids because that’s my job. Of course, when my son started playing soccer. I didn’t take my own advice. I yell from the sidelines and get frustrated because I know that he his the best player on the team, but he is too easily distracted.
I think I’m a little of both. I cheer my guts out at games- never demeaning or yelling crap at my kids- just at the refs.
But if I see something in the game they could improve on I mention it in passing. “Hey Tristan, if you dove at the guy’s legs next time he probably wouldn’t score…” They usually take it pretty well- and Tristan dove more the next game and had 4 awesome tackles.