Your Opinion: How do you handle problems at your children’s school?
I love teachers. I have many good friends who are teachers and out of all the professions on this earth, I think they are among the most praiseworthy.
But I am having problems with teachers.
Because of my admiration, I always thought I would be the Teacher’s Parent Pet. You know: that go-to person who volunteers at every opportunity and who is loved and adored by all.
It ain’t happening.
It started last year when a little thing called cocaine surfaced on the playground at my daughter’s preschool and parents were not informed. I only found out because I read about it in the Police Beat. My issue was not with the teachers but with the way the administrative staff handled it and I ruffled more than a few feathers. I still feel I was justified but in so doing, I became one of those parents in their eyes.
And I hate that.
Another issue surfaced last week when I drove by Starbucks with my daughter and her friend.
“That is where we get coffee every day!” Haddie announced.
“Who gets coffee?” I asked.
“At preschool. We have a Starbucks center where we get our morning coffee! It’s the only way to start our day!”
I am adamantly opposed to drinking coffee. I fully realize that millions of people are partakers of its caffeinated goodness but for religious and health reasons, my family refrains. And I try to teach my children the same principles.
I haven’t said anything to the teachers and probably won’t. I rationalize it’s not like a liquor store and most people don’t take issue with drinking coffee. Even so, it just seems inappropriate to teach 4 year olds that they cannot start their day without it.
Which brings me to my next point: Hadley will be entering kindergarten next year. The teacher is rumored to be a nightmare. She is close to retirement and taught older children most of her career before she got “dumped” in kindergarten. She is notoriously cruel, yells at the kids and I have several friends who have pulled their upset children from her classroom to attend another school.
Not exactly the way I want my daughter to begin her education.
Would you do anything? The school has an interim principal who is allegedly not willing to address the problem. Several parents at preschool are worried about it and proposed we write a letter but I am hesitant because I don’t want to start my daughter’s education by ruffling feathers at her new school.
And so my question to you is this: where is the line? I empathize that schools are trying to appease so many different backgrounds and belief systems and I know they put up with a lot. I want to show support but I also want what is best for my children. What conflicts/issues have surfaced with your children’s education and how did you handle them?
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I’m finding myself in the same predicament. We are in a Catholic school. The teacher in question has an impeccable reputation throughout the larger community. I find her offensive and psychologically intrusive. Sure she does amazing amazing things with the children. I will give her that. But at what cost? I’ll tell you! The cost of their gentle little self-esteems. I’d rather my child learn nothing in that grade. Nothing at all and emerge with her self-esteem in tact. It’s such a helpless feeling as a parent. But we can’t tell teachers how to teach. I feel like all I can do is to help my children understand there are all types of people in the world that we have to deal with.
PLEASE do not sit back so that you are not “that parent”. Your obligation is to your child, first and foremost. Do you pay taxes? Then these people work FOR YOU! You are not there to be liked-but to advocate for your child.
Do I sound like I have given this a lot of thought? You bet I have! And when I had to take on the school and was told at the supermarket by another mother-”I’m so glad you are doing something about “this”, it’s been going on for so long” I asked, knowing she had an older child who went throught the same school “why wasn’t anything done before?” Because they didn’t want to become a “target”.
It sounds like most on this board are parents of younger children. There are no do-overs, so you have one chance. I’ve been through three states and as many school districts. My daughters are now 19 and 16-and guess what? My eldest is going for her teaching degree. She’s not going to be “that” teacher… Our kids are placed with people for more hours in a week than they are at home with us-if you know something is wrong, why subject them to it? Would you let them go to spend the day with a child molester? No? Then why let them be emotionally or god forbid physically abused?
Having been faced with many obtacles in our schools from the time my children were elementary to now I have a middle schools student and a high school student ages 13 and 17.
When my daughter first started school we had problems with the principle at her elementary school. We addressed the issues with that principle and to no avail. We ened up in the Superintendents office and eventually in front of the school board on the actions of the principle.
We choose to not sit back and allow what was happening to our daughter continue, we were very afraid as we live in a small town and we did not want to be labled either, but sometimes you have to teach your children that they have rights and it is ok to fight for them.
As parents we have a right to raise our children as we see fit, we get the advise of the teachers, and many others during that process, but what we teach them is ultimately up to us, and I would stand up to the teacher, especially if you feel strongly, at the very least with the cocaine issue you should have been informed as well as with the morning kindergarten classroom coffee. At the very least you should have had an oportunity to decline.
I say fight for your rights as a parent.
Okay, since you’re asking for perspective, here’s mine. First of all, cocaine on the playground is a big deal! If you can’t trust them to be honest with you about that, then you cannot trust them with your kid. End of discussion.
And as for the coffee, I am not opposed to coffee because of religious reason (as your family is), but even so, I am APPALLED that they would give preschoolers coffee… and every day! If my 11 year old came home and said that, I’d pop a blood vessel in my brain. Maybe you’re concerned about saying anything because you don’t want to be ‘that person’. And because it is a religious belief, you’re feeling like your opinions are different than most people’s. But I can tell you (as a liberal, Buddhist parent, who does occasionally visit Starbucks… their Chai tea is way yummy) that it is entirely unacceptable. And most people would find it to be. You just don’t give coffee to kids. (My daughter’s class once had a poetry reading, like at a coffee shop, and they served hot chocolate. Coffee would have been unthinkable.) And also if they’re teaching kids, who have all the energy in the world, that they need coffee to start their day (which is a really unhealthy habit), I would worry what other wonderful life lessons they are passing on.
As for a really mean Kindergarten teacher, I can tell you that your child’s first teacher sets the tone for their entire school career. My daughter had the same kind of teacher (actually one who picked on boys, which really upset my daughter because she is a big believer in playing fair). And I’ll tell you, I would do it differently if I could. In fact, I ended up taking her out of the school in 3rd grade in order to homeschool her. After a couple of years at home, she’s ready to go back to public school, but we’re auditioning schools to find one within a reasonable distance that is good enough. So many people just accept whatever schools and teachers the district decides to offer them and don’t speak up, but you have to keep reminding yourself that these people are in charge of your kid for 6 and a half hours a day. You need to keep your standards high (or at least not let them go too low).
Please don’t worry about being ‘that person’ because administrators usually won’t respond to anyone who isn’t willing to make some noise. You, through your taxes, have hired them to educate your child and it should be a partnership. A partnership with as much transparency as you desire. I think that sometimes, as ex-students ourselves, it is easy to revert to the idea that teachers and principals and even librarians are the ultimate authority figures. Don’t you believe it, though. You are the only authority figure in your child’s life. And, as such, it is your job to stand up to the school and make sure your kid gets the best education possible.
Good luck. I hope it works out for you.
I found this discussion very interesting. I am a teacher and a parent, so I’ve been on both sides of the fence. As a teacher, I would like to weight in. When there is a concern, I would appreciate being told rather than have parents take it to the parking lot. If you share your concerns with other parents rather than the teacher it leaves her powerless to address your concerns. I consider myself a good teacher and am well liked by the students and parents in my community. However, I have made plenty of mistakes (cringe!). While it isn’t always comfortable to hear about my misteps, hearing from parents has helped me to grow so much. I rarely have the experience that parents are out of line or over the top for bringing their concerns to me.
Now, as a parent I have discovered that communication with the teacher doesn’t always work. Last year I had an unfortunate experience where feedback was provided to my son’s teacher in a variety of forms. Sadly, the message didn’t get through.
This year my son has a wonderful teacher who is so easy to talk to. She still makes mistakes, and my son still messes up, but being able to communicate with her makes all the difference.
I think even the concern about the “Starbucks” should be brought to the teacher’s attention. As for the mean kindergarten teacher, I would set a preliminary meeting to let the teacher know under what circumstances your child learns best and ask to hear how she meets the needs of the young child. Then you can always go back if you have questions. This would be easier than having the first contact be about a problem. After you keep asking questions she will probably take care around your child (and hopefully others). If not, take it to the principal then the district.