I Didn’t Have My Children to Make the Polar Bears Weep
When my husband and I announced our fifth child was on the way, a friend asked if we knew what caused that.
I told him I suspected it had something to do with my practice of washing my underwear with my husband’s.
I regretted the snarky comeback immediately, but I know why I unleashed my frustration.
The misconceptions, prejudices, and near-constant scrutiny of our choice to have a large family is tiresome and often grounded in ignorance. Only slack-jawed rubes from the sticks, religious zealots, or those taking advantage of the government and natural resources have large families, right? Sometimes, people who see our family assume all of the above. I’m thinking we should start carrying banjos and moonshine jugs around, just to complete the effect.
The questions are relentless:
Are you Mormon/Catholic? Do you take government assistance? Are you rich/What does your husband do? Don’t you know the world’s population is out of control? What do you drive? Do you homeschool? Can you remember all their names? Are they all yours? Do they all have the same father?
We’ve been audibly counted in various languages. One time, when we went to Boulder’s Pearl Street Mall, we were the freaks on the corner, garnering more stares than the dude with dreadlocks eating fire off flaming arrows. I almost took off my youngest son’s hat to pass around for spare change.
I don’t mind answering most questions. At this point, I am used to not being able to take our children to buy groceries without being stopped multiple times. But I hate how defensive I can get regarding my family when the questions turn hostile. I love every one of my children and it’s terrible to feel I must defend their very existence on our planet. Some people believe only our first two children have the “right” to be here.
So I find myself breathlessly bragging that on trash day, we have the one of the least amounts on our street—usually one rolling can for eight people. We recycle everything recyclable. We re-use the re-usable. We don’t jet around the world on vacations. In fact, we are respectful of every morsel of food, drop of water, gallon of gas.
The footprints we leave may be a few more than yours.
But they won’t be any deeper.
We are happy to announce our seventh baby is on the way. We anticipate he or she will bring far more to the world than will take from the world.
The greatest resource is human.
Popularity: 32% [?]
Oh the unending questions.
And you know what? They are just as bad if you choose not to have children – what’s wrong with you? Do you not like children? Are you evil and heartless? Or if you choose to only have one child – What’s wrong with you? Don’t you know your child will be lonely. Or if you choose not to adopt. What’s wrong with you? Don’t you know that there are children who need all that you could offer. How could you be so heartless?
It never ceases to amaze me the assumptions and judgments friends and strangers will make on my/your life.
I read your post and felt as if I had written it! We are planning on having a 7th and when someone finds out about it they are blown away. Why?
Our family also creates far less garbage than most families half our size, we don’t take any handouts, my husband works hard for his family and we are not mormon or catholic.
It is always nice to meet more larger than average families!
hey that’s GREAT! congratulations. what a well written piece. can you believe we got the ‘do you know how that happens’ or even better ‘was this PLANNED?’ when i was preggers with our third. people…congrats!
Awesome! That is wonderful! Congratulations! (I have 8.)
Didn’t mean for that above comment to be anonymous!
Holly
http://www.seekingfaithfulness.wordpress.com
Congratulations! I’m glad I read your post. I just found out two days ago we will be having a 4th. I was filled with fear of being pregnant again (hard pregnancies) but as soon as I saw the + I was filled with complete peace and love for this little tiny new being. I know I am going to be having many comments and questions asked of me. oh well…
[...] I read Gretchen’s post I Didn’t Have My Children to Make the Polar Bears Weep wherein she recounts people’s rude comments concerning her many children, it caused me to think of [...]
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I am struggling with the idea of even bringing one child into this world. There are so many unwanted children, did you ever consider adopting? You may be a ‘green’ as possible, but I still think it’s selfish to keep producing children when the world is over populated and over it’s carrying capacity.