This Mama’s Turn Around in Perspective
Guest writer Shannon lives in colorful Colorado Springs with her news anchor husband and two sons. When not fixinâ up their fixer-upper home, hiking, gardening, cooking, changing diapers or chasing children, this Colorado Native is sure to be found blogging at The Cole Mine.
I have taken it upon myself to change my perspectives lately. I am a stay-at-home mom. My husband works evenings. For so long, this weighed heavily upon my soul. I was disappointed we didnât have a âtypicalâ? family that could sit down to a family dinner every evening. I grew up with conversation galore and both parents sitting down to dinner with me every night. I mourned the loss of this usual and socially acceptable structure in my life. It is how I always thought life would be and we had it for a short while when my son Josh was tiny and my husband was on a different career path for a brief 10 months.
Now, he is back to his much-loved career and I felt resentful toward him and his profession and blamed them both for the aloneness I felt every night. To me, it seemed most moms got a break in the evening with Daddy giving baths and orchestrating bedtime. Where was my break? Why do I have to do everything?
Iâm not sure if it was Joshâs recent stint in the hospital or just a simple and pure realization that I do not HAVE to take care of these children. Instead of “have to,” I now say “get to.” A while back, I read many a blog post about re-framing thoughts toward a âget toâ? perspective rather than a âhave toâ? perspective. I GET to care for my children. I have been entrusted with their care and it is the MOST special job I could ever have. I am lucky to have these two precious boys with whom to share my evenings. I GET to give my boys baths and have many fun moments laughing with them. I GET to read stories to them at night and build within them a sense of security and safety and I get to do it my way. It is up to me to create adventure and joy in our evening time house. So now we make our own little traditions at night. I help create memories my boys will have forever and I wouldnât miss this for the world.
And an added bonus – after they are in bed, I can pretty much do whatever I want. No sharing the TV – and if I want alone time to read or work on a special project, I can do this without protest from anyone. Plus, Dad is home in the mornings. We often share a leisurely breakfast together, can go to the zoo, trade off watching the kids while one of us hits the gym, or make a quick trip to the store sans kids. Sure, Joe and I have to be more creative with our free time to make sure we do get enough âcouple time,” but hey, âme timeâ? is taken care of and that is a good thing.
So, a simple little turn around in perspective and “ta da” – my world is a better place.
Hmmmm…. Maybe I should try that. My husband recently took a job that requires him to travel about 85% of the time. I begged him not to because I have a full time job outside the home and I was given the full responsibility of taking care of my stepdaughter. A change in my perspective might be in order for me too!
Great post!
[...] I have taken it upon myself to change my perspectives lately. I am a stay-at-home mom. My husband works evenings. For so long, this weighed heavily upon my soul. I was disappointed we didnât have a âtypicalâ? family that could sit down to a family dinner every evening. I grew up with conversation galore and both parents sitting down to dinner with me every night. I mourned the loss of this usual and socially acceptable structure in my life. It is how I always thought life would be and we had it for a short while when my son Josh was tiny and my husband was on a different career path for a brief 10 months…Read on by clicking HERE. [...]
I think you’re right–perspective is everything. i went through the same thing about being a SAHM until I reminded myself what a blessing it really is!
Beautifully said, Shannon. My family isn’t “typical” either. My husband lives and works in Pueblo. I live and work in Alamosa. We see each other on weekends. It’s ROUGH, and I tend toward depression if I’m not careful. Remembering that this is temporary and that my kids are healthy and we love one another, those are things that I need to focus on. Thanks for the reminder!!
I have had a few of these moments since becoming a mom. Fortunately, I did before it was too late to truly enjoy my children vs. letting myself be weighed down by my frustrations.
I really needed this post. I am sharing time of my two little girls with my ex, and I was angry that he changed his work schedule last week.
He will work Tues-Saturday now, and I won’t have a full weekend “off” like I had before. I was really angry about that, but you brought up a good point.
I get the chance to be with my girls every Saturday. I can take them to the water park, or the pool, I get to take Saturday afternoon naps with them and spend all day learning sign language and trying to learn Italian and French.
It’s more of a blessing now that it was, thanks a ton for sharing that with us! Now, I get to take them to the Denver Art Museum on the first Saturday of the month and show them the joy of art!
Warm Blessings.
Perspective is everything, isn’t it? I am making a point to (try!) to enjoy our last child through her toddlerhood. It is NOT my fav stage, but I do better when I realize that this will be the last time I get to enjoy an imperious little being bossing me around with limited verbal skills.
Thanks for the reminder!
http://www.amomintheburbs.blogspot.com
Great post, Shannon!
Great post! I had felt the same way and it was refreshing to hear it from the perspective. I always felt like I was doing it all, but you’re right–the perspective has to change. Being a SAHM is a blessing and nothing would take away the bond or the memories I am building with my two girls. Lately, I have been taking a step back and realizing the effort that my husband makes to spend special time with the girls even if it isn’t giving them a bath or putting them to bed. He will take them on trips to the coffee shop, market or pet store. We should treasure what we have.
Kalisha
Oh, one more thing!
Reneca (my blog partner) blogged about the difference a change in attitude could have on us and our outlook on our situation. Read more at http://mommylounge.wordpress.com