To RSVP or Not To RSVP
Usually I am super careful about party manners. SUPER CAREFUL. But things have been crazy lately. SUPER CRAZY. I know you are feeling it too. End of school, start of summer. I am just FRAZZLED.
So, my son Declan had a birthday party last weekend. I wasn’t even sure we would be able to go, given the two other events bookended around it, but we managed to squeeze it in, albeit arriving an half hour late (Ack! Strike one!).
The party (of course) was fun, the kids all had a great time. I thought I was all good. Then the mom casually commented to me towards the end of the party, “I didn’t think you guys were coming! You didn’t RSVP!” (Ack! Strike Two!) I never do that! I am Queen RSVP. *With a tiara!* But, somehow, in the tussle of the end of school, I managed to *not* RSVP.
I. apologized. profusely.
Later, when we finally got home (after the two other things we had to get to that day), I took one last look at the invite. There were the details of the party, when, where and why. But no request for RSVP and no phone number.
Ah ha. Here is the reason I didn’t RSVP! I didn’t know I was supposed to. Or was I? Is it standard to RSVP no matter what? Tell me, folks, what should I have done? Did I have a Strike Three?
I’m not sure what Emily Post would say, but I think if the hostess wants a head count she needs to request an RSVP. If she doesn’t the then the party should be understood to be come-and-go, with no set guest list. HOWEVER, I’m pretty sure good manners would also say that a good guest always call the hostess and fill her in on their plans to or not to attend, regardless of RSVP request. So maybe strike 2, ball 1??
If there is no phone number or email address to use to RSVP, i’d assume getting a head count wasn’t a priority. With as scattered as my life is these days, I wouldn’t have the right phone number to call if it weren’t on the invite for me!
Ummm RSVP stands for “Répondez s’il vous plaît”, a French phrase that translates to “reply, if you please” (thanks wikipedia) – so if there is no RSVP then I would assume you wouldn’t RSVP…and anyway with no phone number or e-mail how the heck are you suppose to know how to contact them to say you are coming???
You were not in the wrong at all! Don’t feel bad about it either because if there wasn’t a number to even call then what were you supposed to do? Tell the Mom to provide the RSVP info and you will gladly do it next time. I’m a little ticked for you! But then again it is just a b-day party. Can’t sweat the small stuff.
Woops! Forgot to put my name on the comment! Talk about forgeting things!
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I know that even when a wedding invitation doesn’t have a reply card, guests are still supposed to send a note to let them know if you plan to attend. Surely, SURELY, children’s birthday parties have not come to that, though! I would not have called either.
My understanding is that any time someone invites you to attend a party, you should let them know you are coming. So yeah, strike two. But you apologized, not blowing her off and saying something like, “Oh, I’m too busy” or something like that. I wonder…was the invite hand written? Did you have the woman’s phone number elsewhere, like a class roster?
I’m not sure I would have known an RSVP was necessary, sans request and means for one.
So if you are wrong, I would be, too.
D’oh. You just reminded me. I need to call and try to RSVP. Again. Last time I tried? Someone cut me off and said, “No English.” Dude. The invite was written in English …
I would assume (depending on the other details listed) that it was an open house type thing if no RSVP # was listed. Plus, are you supposed to have everyone’s numbers memorized or something? Don’t tell me we have to look these things up every time…j/k
I would say you are in the clear, and like you, I am also ‘Queen RSVP’.