Those who offered a hug, a shoulder to cry on and didn’t speak much at all were the most comforting. They said they cared without words, but their actions spoke loudly.

http://www.live4truth13.blogspot.com/

Your story allows me to share mine: I lost my son while 8 months pregnant and it was and is absolutely devastating. Until this huge and painful loss appeared in my life I thought, “I’m someone who is always fortunate and things go well for me.”

Now I know that we will all be face to face with death at some point….our own, our children’s, our parents and on and on. None of us live forever, right?

You are absolutely right, Gretchen, that it is hurtful and incredibly painful for others to try to place blame or make excuses about why our babies died. I understand that people are often trying to make sense out of something that does not make sense, but the wrong words can be so deeply painful. Placing blame of any kind on the mother is unbelievably hurtful. Modern medical science usually has no clue as to the exact answers for why so many babies die and that is surprising in 2008. You are so true to state that it is best to just say, “I’m so sorry.” Those simple words show compassion and that is what is needed more than anything. Words that try to ‘explain’ or ‘resolve’ something that cannot be explained or resolved are usually painful to hear.

For those of you who may be suffering from the loss of your baby, I am so sorry. Mother’s Day can be particularly difficult. My advice while going through grief is to allow yourself to grieve. Allow yourself the time and space to be in the pits of grief and find supportive and caring people to talk to when you want to talk. Figure out what helps you from a long bath to writing in a journal to being alone and crying your eyes out. Grief is a long and painful journey. The old adage of ‘pull yourself up by the bootstraps’ is crap…As one friend told me, “You can’t go over it, you can’t go under it, you simply have to go through it.” There is no exact time-line for grief, as it is individual and grief is also very individual. Each person needs to grieve in their own way that is healing for them. A grieving person does not need to be “fixed”, but needs tremendous compassion.

A few outstanding resources in the Denver area:

Assistance with Grief (an outstanding group specifically for those who have lost a baby) 303-788-LOSS

http://www.MissFoundation.org (groups meet in Parker and also in Denver. The leaders of these groups are incredible)

Footprints Grief Group for children through the Denver Hospice (because older siblings experience deep loss and grief as well)
303-321-2828
http://www.footprints.hmd.org

http://www.WalktoRemember.org
(An annual walk that is beautiful and helpful)

http://www.RowanTreeFoundation.org
(A great resource with articles and there is also a beautiful memorial statue of an angel that you can visit in Parker)

I send all of you who have lost a precious baby my compassion and deepest sorrow.
Jill

Hello wonderful women in my life!
Just wanted to let you know that St. James is doing an interesting thing around Mother’s Day. We will be hosting a Healing and Wholeness Service for those who have some grief around Mother’s Day…those who have lost children, whose moms have died or for those who have never been able to have children.

Friday, May 9, 7pm at St. James (corner of Belleview and Lowell) in Avery Hall

Just so you know – A Healing and Wholeness service at our church does not mean a kind of “shouting and forehead slapping” experience. It generally means quiet, some worship/singing time all together and then reflection stations you can go to around the room (or not) – these might include places to light a candle, journal, have someone pray with you etc.

Please pass this on to anyone you know who might benefit from this non-Hallmark version of Mother’s Day.

http://milehighmommy.blogspot.com