Sanford & Son (& Daughter) Do White Trash!
Every neighborhood has ‘em.
You know: the one white-trash family that just oozes with socially unacceptable behavior such as loud music, big engines, cold beer and jacked-up trucks.
I just didn’t know “they” were “us.”
It all started out innocently when I took the kids for an early-morning run at this time last year. Since the temperatures were still brisk, I opted against getting them dressed and kept them bundled up in their fleece PJs.
Now, something you should know about me is that even though I’m lucky if I get a brush through my hair, I am pretty anal about ensuring my kids are properly groomed. But I figured this was a worthy exception to get an early start to the day. You know. To beat those sweltering 60-degree temperatures that would soon descend upon us.
Something else you should also know is that it was garbage day, certainly not the best of times to be running due to the surrounding stench. I was the last 1/4-mile into my run up the big stinky hill to our house when I spotted It: that which led my great downfall to white trashdom (and coincidentally, it was white…and trash). Someone had left a wicker chest out by their garbage.
I stopped. It would be perfect in our basement for my children’s toys. I investigated. It was in great shape, too. Or at least it was before my attempts to transport it.
There was a problem, though. It was really big, which made our progress really slow. Oh yeah, and did I mention the hill? My little charges were patient in the beginning but after about 15 minutes of dragging it, fussiness ensued. I decided I needed another plan. I could take the kids out of the jogging stroller, put the trunk inside and let them walk. Well, at least the big one. My main concern was that Hadley was still in her pajamas and what would the neighbors think?
I did it anyway.
And so there we were on our leisurely Monday Morning Dumpster Diving Stroll around the neighborhood. Haddie in her soiled PJs, Bode with his frumpy hair.
Then Haddie started limping. “I have cereal at the bottom of my PJs,” she whined.
I looked down and sure enough she had lumpy feet. But at this point, the only way to get the cereal out of her one-piece pajamas would have involved stripping her down completely. And if PJs by Day were white trash, having her wander down the street with her sagging pull-up diaper was veritable trailer status. And at that, I drew the line.
“I have an idea! Just stomp really hard and it will turn your cereal into little crumbs. And then we’ll just follow them home like Hansel and Gretel!” I have always been a master of resolution.
She looked dubiously at me, made a meager attempt and then limped the rest of the way. It was memorable to say the least but we survived and the kids acquired a new toy box. A new toy box that I have never used and has remained hidden underneath a pile of junk in our garage.
Would I do it again? Sure. Only next time, I’ll just need to remember to bring my shopping cart along….
Cereal in the PJs. Snort. I love your resolution.
And after reading this, I strongly suspect that we are THAT white trash familiy as well.
Amber- Would you be from Grand Junction? It’s just about that time of year when everyone puts their trash on the curb for the city to pick up, and white trash or not, I have found some awesome stuff before.
This should be linked to Absolutely Bananas’ Make me Laugh Monday.
Sigh… I guess we are the white trash of the neighborhood. My husband is outside almost daily with a cold beer often while changing the oil in the hunter’s package 4-wheeler (think camo-colored) or washing the newly jacked up Ford F250 diesel truck. Yep we are the white trash!
Oh! Did I mention that we held a crawfish boil in the garage yesterday? We are hopeless!
HA!!! I guess I’m white trash too, I would have found a way to get that wicker basket home as well. And my kids would have been snug in their jammies. The only problem is there’s no way I would be involved in an early morning “run”. I’m confused by this, was something chasing you? Were you hunting food for food? My donuts and Cocoa Crispies aren’t that fast, maybe you should give them a try…
LOL! I guess I’m white trash too…I love finding things that other people have thrown out that I can put to good use. When we go to the dump, while my husband is busy unloading the truck, I’m digging through the piles looking for treasures…
ROTFL! You and me both, sistah… Dumpster diving is PRIME TIME FUN! PJs during the daylight, no problem. Cereal in the footie, a little more problematic
Such a delight to read…this was hilarious!
In your shoes, I would have done the same thing!! You go girl
Oh, there’s no way I would have passed up that wicker chest. Kudos to you!
I once left my son buckled in his carseat so that I could run across the street and drag home a giant play kitchen (stove, fridge, oven, etc., all in one hunormous molded plastic unit). The thing was darn heavy, but i got it home in record time. Mostly because I was worried that my neighbors, from whom I was trash-picking, would see me and write me off as a desperate trashy woman for the rest of our existence on this street. But my kids love this thing. So it was worth it!
LOL! I hardly think you are white trash! That would be us . . . the ones who leave the brightly colored plastic toys all over the lawn and secretly rejoice when the snowfall covers them up.
You crack me up!
Heidi
That is SO FUNNY! I would definitely think “white trash” if I saw that….but I would’ve done the same thing! Love it!
You’re awesome! The trunk is pretty cool too. Lucky kids.
It amazes me the things people throw out. Oh, well. You scored with that find! One man’s trash, another’s treasure…
So funny! I’m usually the one putting stuff out by the curb, and applauding the one who takes it. We must be on a busy street, because all our junk goes pretty quickly. The wicker chest was a great find!
you have the craziest adventures. and why didn’t you use it? jw.
http://www.sunshine-on-my-shoulders.blogspot.com
isn’t it funny how things snowball? One moment you’re letting a little things slide, thinking nobody will have an opportunity to notice, and the next…..
*sigh*
But it DOES happen to all of us.
Thanks for the laugh!!! Wish I could have seen all of this. hee hee
*dead*
You’re killing me over here, Amber! Although, I can attest I fit in this category and the last time I checked I was black! bawhaaaaa…
How come your kids still look so doggone cute!!!
You are so clever–I’d have never thought to tell her to crush the cereal.
you never used your trash find? well, that is certainly not typical white trash behavior, hehe!
ha.. funny
I think it was this post that first made me love your blog. And I still love this story.
One woman’s trash is another woman’s treasure…or so they say!
Me…? Well, I admit I’m way too much of a germ-a-phobe to do the dumpster diving thing! But I have a brother-in-law who makes a pretty good “fun money account” on that pastime! You could always sell your wicker chest on Craig’s list…:)