The Scariest Words Ever
No. They are not “I love you.? They are not, “I’m really a man.? They are not, “I will not be ignored.? They are not, “Freeze, this is the police.?
The scariest words ever are, “Mom, Dad, I’m pregnant,? as spoken by a teenaged girl.
At least those are the scariest words for me.
My wife and I saw the movie Juno over the weekend—an excellent flick, by the way—and I was forced to look at parenthood from an extremely uncomfortable position. As the father of two girls, ages 2 and 4, parenthood is still about providing and developing. Real parenting apparently takes place when real life enters the picture.
Watching this movie really bummed me out because it made me realize that before long my girls—angels that adore their daddy—will get to the point that they want nothing to do with me. How depressing is that? And being that I’m 41, the generation cavern will certainly not help matters, no matter how cool I think I still am.
Watching this movie also made me assume the role of the father receiving the news that the movie father received. It’s certainly a scenario I prefer never to experience, but you never know what life has in store. God knows most of us have dodged bullets as we matriculated through our sexual development. Personally, I had to sweat out a couple of EPT’s back in the day. Fortunately I had favorable results.
So, what will I be like if I’m faced with what Juno’s father was faced with? It makes me cringe to think about it. It makes me want to go around and smack all your little boys, with their little peckers, and say “keep it in your pants buddy.? It makes me want to bang my head against the wall. It makes me want to enter a self-induced coma during the teen years so I don’t have to bear witness to the insanity. But deep down, I hope that if I’m ever faced with that scenario I’ll always keep my daughter’s best interests in the forefront. I hope I’ll find some level of coolness from a youth long since dead. I hope I’ll be the rock my daughter can lean on during a difficult time.
Maybe I’ll just force them to be nuns. That might be the best course of action for me to survive those horrific nights when they blow past their curfews.
For now, I’ll deal with temper tantrums, princesses, pretend balls, and two little girls that adore their daddy—most of the time. I’ll live in blissful denial that puberty will skip our house and my little girls will always be little girls.
La la la la la la.
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It’s true; kids won’t stay kids for very long. They’ll be faced with choices and inevitably consequences will follow. Hopefully they’ll learn. Trust me; it’s not any easier for the young mother/father to be either. A hug and an “I love you? go along way. Once that initial shock wears off, a nice long “kick in the butt” heart to heart is in order. They don’t need to be overly reminded of the reason they’re in that situation but a child in the picture is like an express ticket to adulthood. That is, if Mom and Dad (soon to be Grandma and Grandpa) can recover from the sheer shock of getting instantaneously old.
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I think one of the best lines in Juno was when she told her dad and stepmom about her pregnancy and her dad later said he had hoped she was expelled or into hard drugs.
Classic.
And heaven help us all during the teen-age years.
I plow the road for you Mitch. With 3 teenagers of my own I’m quite sure there are some sleepless nights ahead. Fortunately, my boys are pretty nerdy so I’m getting off lucky for now. But my 12 year-old daughter is the one I’m worried about. She’s a little too gorgeous for my likes. Yikes!
Thank goodness we don’t have a daughter. Hopefully, we just have to tell our son to “wrap it before he taps it.” Of course, I’m new at this parenting things, so as you can tell I’m winging it. I have no clue.
Believe me it would be no picnic for Mom to hear the words either. I’ll soon have 2 girls to sweat through this with as well. AND a boy to warn about keeping his pecker in his pants.
Yikes!!! Going to grab my 8 year old and varnish her so she stops growing up!
I guess that’s why we need to hold them close while they are young and stop with this ridiculous notion of putting kids in Kindergarten when they are 4, and soccer leagues when they are 5, and drama class, and singing lessons, and…
I say keep ‘em close when they are young and hope they will stay a bit closer as they grow up. Oh, and go camping a lot!
My family often semi-jokes that my father was lucky to pass away before he had to go through all that we (4 girls) ended up putting my mother through. I think God knew he wouldn’t be able to survive it so he took him with mercy before it happened.
Seriously, I’m terrified of it. I think potty training is the worst part of parenthood, but I’m sure it will only get worse.
All right, you’ve convinced me. I NEED to see this movie already. I’m a mere two years, four months, and five days away from having a bona fide teenage girl in my house.
I loved Juno. It was like Napolean Dynamite meets She’s Having a Baby.
I have two kids and we take them out to eat alot, they are not that good, but I have never seen people move tables cause of it. Maybe it is a Utah thing, everyone here expects you to have 5 kids to the 2 adults.
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