I recently read an article in the New York Times about a documentary that was made with four- and six-year-old little girls who were given the opportunity to ask a panel of scientists, therapists, and various experts questions they had about SEX, everything from how babies are made to what is AIDS and homosexuality… because isn’t that what every four-year-old child is dying to learn about?

For anyone who didn’t read the piece, they concluded that these girls were neither disturbed nor confused from the experience. They were merely… educated. Four and six seems a tad young to me, but I’ll refrain from passing judgment because I haven’t seen the documentary, nor do I know these girls on a personal level. Still, it got me wondering… what is the correct age to begin this dialogue?

According to my school district, fifth grade is the time. I received a letter from Antonia’s teacher informing me that they will be having the MATURATION lesson in health class very soon. I agree. It really is time. In fact, it might have been time last year, too. Antonia has been asking me to explain sex for almost a year now. She’s ten and, by the way, no stranger to the word SEX (and several of the slang variations for it) Even if she’d never heard the word, she can find intimations, suggestions and innuendo everywhere from Cialis commercials to hip-hop lyrics about gettin’ it on.

I’m not an advocate for “protecting” my little girl from such innuendo. Do I give her a daily prescription of trashy hip-hop of my own volition? No. But I don’t exasperate myself jumping through hoops to keep it out of her life, either. I had been putting off the SEX conversation, not because I thought Antonia was too young to be educated on the subject, but because I wanted to be completely educated on the subject first. After reading several books on how to talk about the birds and the bees with your children, I’ve concluded that talking about sex is no different than talking about writing — I will never COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY feel like an expert on the subject. So I’ve decided to go ahead and bite the bullet and sit down over tea with her before the “maturation” lesson at school.

One of the better books I’ve gotten ahold of is titled Girls and Sex by Wardell B. Pomeroy, Ph.D. I know a lot of people who’d avoid a book with such a title in the same way they’d avoid plague-carrying rodents. But I gave this book a whirl and am so glad for it. It hits on all the important stuff like pregnancy, STDs, homosexuality and masturbation, for example. But I especially liked how this book adequately summarizes the points that I want my daughter to always carry with her about sex once she learns the biological ups and downs and inbetweens.

1) Nobody should be getting hurt (against their wishes).
2) Nobody should be getting into trouble (with their parents, the law or otherwise).
3) We should all respect those who choose not to engage in any sexual experiences.

There is so much to teach on this subject that I’m afraid I won’t get it all in before she’s left for college. I want my daughter to know that, like Mexican food, sex can be wonderful, healthy, fulfilling. On the flip side, it can also be terrible, unhealthy, and TOTALLY unfulfilling. I want her to know that sex is not scary. By the same token, I want her to know that it is NOT for the irresponsible, either. There are risks involved. Physical risks, but emotional ones as well. I want her to be careful, clear-headed and in tune with her gut.

But, most of all, I want my daughter to approach sex in the same way that I want her to approach everything else in her life — with a no-fear attitude accompanied by MASSIVE doses of education so that she can make the best possible decisions when she is grown up and ready. If I can help her to accomplish that, then I’ll feel I have succeeded as a parent.