The day a joke went too far
I heard someone on Oprah say that as parents, we write on the slate of our childrenâs lives. If thatâs the case, someone hand me an eraser. If Iâm not more careful with my kidâs fragile little minds, they are going to end up in therapy. (Not that thereâs anything wrong with that.)
Lack-luster performance in my Tooth Fairy duties, missing basketball practices, and eating fast-food for dinner more times a week than I would like to confess might not cause any permanent psychological damage, but what I did to my nine-year-old twin boys the other day definitely scarred them for life.
The other morning, I was brushing their sisterâs hair when the boys came into the bathroom and said, in unison (because thatâs what twins do):
âMom, when we run the back of our heads beep.â?
Without the slightest hesitation I said, âOh, that canât be good. That wasnât supposed to happen until you were at least 12 or 13. I didnât want to tell you, but when you were born the doctors put a microchip in the back of your heads.â?
(What would you say if your kid told you his head was beeping?)
âThe beeping lets us know that the battery is running down and the microchip needs to be replaced. You better not go to P.E. today or talk too loud. We donât want anything to happen until we can get you back to the hospital in California to get your microchips replaced.â?
I added, âWait! I have an idea.â?
I went downstairs to find a D battery. I was going to have the boys touch their tongues to it to give them a little jolt, to ârechargeâ? the microchip in their head. (I know! You donât have to say it. Iâm horrible.)
When I came back upstairs Boy #1 was laying on his bed crying. My story was too convincing. He thought he was going to die. I dropped the battery, scooped him up on to my lap and told him I was just joking. There was no microchip, no trip to California, and he didnât have to skip P.E.
I soothed him enough to get him to school, but I could tell that I had set a bad tone for his day. To make it up to my boys I decided to surprise them by bringing them something special for lunch. They like those little Lunchables with the cheese and crackers. I canât stand them, but I was trying to make them feel better. I guess I was trying to make myself feel better, too.
Long story short, some other boys knocked his lunch on the floor. What a crummy day! His mom scares him to death. Then, she brings him a special lunch to make up for it, just to have it knocked on the floor.
When the boys came home from school, Boy #1 was still so upset he couldnât talk. He asked his twin to tell me what happened. Lucky for me, having pizza delivered by Dominos is still a cure-all for what ails a nine-year-old boy.
I wonder if there are any therapists around that offer two-for-one deals. After being raised by me, I think my twins are going to need it. (Not that thereâs anything wrong with that.)
Have you ever played a joke on your kids, just to have it go horribly wrong?
I couldn’t help but laugh. That’s something I’d say not thinking my kid would take me completely serious. Sorry about his lunch. My sarcasm has gone over the head of the older one plenty of times. Although I’ve never made him think he was dying.
My mom and dad were having a really hard time getting my sister to go to bed one night, and they came up with the GENIUS idea of telling her that she had to be asleep before the Sandman could come into her room and sprinkle Sleepy Sand in her eyes. She didn’t believe them, so they had my uncle call and pretend to be the Sandman…my uncle with the deep, smoky, almost Bary White-ish voice. She screamed for 20 minutes, and ended-up having to sleep with my parents for the next week because she was so scared!
Our joke usually involves a hippo. No, really, anytime my DH wants to kid the kids, he says something about a hippo. Example: “Daddy, what are you doing?”
“I’m riding a HIPPOPOTAMUS!”
Because the hippo comment is consistent, they laugh every time. I try it, but because my delivery isn’t quite so funny? they just tell me, “No, Mommy, you don’t have a hippo.”
It’s sad that Mommy can’t be funny. But it’s good that Daddy has something special with them.
Hilarious. Yu made your child believe he was going to die. And pizza, âmakes up for itâ?, huh? Newsflash. It doesnât. My guess is that pizza is a poor salve to a child faced with his own imminent death. What do you think that boy was thinking *after* pizza? Kids remember a lot more than we give them credit for.
I know you asked us not to say it, but I will anyway. You are horrible.
We’ve done it so often I can’t even think of a specific one. But mine were never as creative as yours =).
Sven, are you serious? Do you have boys? I’m sorry, but for every innocent prank gone wrong that I’ve done to my boys they’ve done equal damage to me (I’m talking humorously). It is all about having fun together and fixing our “mistakes”. When I told one son to makes snakes in the potty chair he loved it and it helped him to potty train. When I told it to my next son he was too scared to poop in the potty for 2 months. How was I supposed to know?
Shay- What’s interesting is that my “sensitive twin” caught on pretty quick, but my “jokey” twin was the one that I scarred for life. He’s usually such a prankster himself. It caught me off guard that he believed me.
Thorny- I played the Tooth Fairy for my nephew once, it was fun. 10 years-old and he is still a faithful believer.
Kagey- Moms do everything else for the kids, we gotta let dad have something, right?!
Sven- Ugh! Ain’t it the truth?! I am horrible and I have vericose veins!
BTW- Do you think I need a sweater today?
Lizzy- Snakes in the toilet?! Baha! That’s good. See? I’m not the only one.
Annie, you are cracking me up. The way I see it it is good that you fed that line to the dos rapscallions, imagine having a stodgy parent that never yanked your chain. If you never teased your kids that way they would become wide eyed trusting morons, and the resulting gullibility would get them into big trouble later in life. Good on you for rearing kids that can take a joke. You are a good parent. Don’t forget to question authority and skating is not a crime. Rock on!
I just wanted to say that this is my first time to this website and this post was very welcoming. I am currently expecting my first child, any day now, and am expecting to have moments where something I say does not have the same effect as what I intended. I think that it is unfortunate that your son was scared but how often do you recall your parents scaring you? I cannot think of anything. In my humble opinion, no permanent damage done. Enjoy your twins!
Poor kid! LOL!! Sounds totally like something I would have done. We’re such good moms.
Oh yeah, we’ve all done stuff we’re not proud of. But I would be surprised, too, that my kids took the beeping joke seriously, especially since it sounded from the get-go they were goofing around about the beeping anyway. Heads don’t beep, right?
When my son was 3, his pet Betta died. He asked why the fish was floating and I told him that the fish’s soul had passed onto a better place, and that was just his body left. I *thought* he understood (um, at 3??, earth to me), so we gathered around the toilet bowl and said a few nice words. I dropped the fish into the bowl and flushed him down! The poor boy let out this horrible cry and was inconsolable for a good 10 minutes… I felt like such a heel.
Shannon- Thanks for saying so. Now, I’m going to look up “rapscallions” in the dictionary.
Megan- Congratulations and welcome to Mile High Mamas! Come back often. Especially check out the Mama to Mama forum, there is so much info and good advice.
Anon- Birds of a feather, my friend;)
Kim- Have you ever read my post about switching the dead hamster for a live one without the kids knowing? Click on my name on the sidebar to read my previous post. It’s an oldie, but a goodie.
I love it. One day, that story will be told and retold at graduation parties and rehearsal dinners.
I once told my then 6-year old nephew when we were climbing the seemingly endless stairs up to the crowned head of Lady Liberty (sadly, post 9/11 no longer accessible), that I hoped Lady Liberty didn’t have a cold so that when we got inside her head she wouldn’t sneeze us out across the Atlantic ocean. As we were nearing the top, this little boy who was so scared, was repeating over and over to himself, the mantra his not-so-bright aunt gave him: “I hope she doesn’t have a cold, I hope she doesn’t have a cold.” I never felt so guilty until I had my own kids.
I often joke with a friend that instead of putting money aside for college, we are creating ‘therapy’ funds – anyone know if they are tax deductible??
Being the mother of twins myself, I completely understand.
Please visit my blog: Boobies and Other Bodily Functions – http://www.mamazblogging.blogspot.com
Cheers!
I can be found at http://www.texassiren.blogspot.com
haha, computer glitch.
I wanted to say not to worry, tomorrow there will be many other things to think about……
we’re so busy making sure we don’t say anything we don’t want repeated 5,000 times that the humor sometimes gets lost. ie “Good Rip Daddy! Good Rip!”
love that story – I love to play jokes like that, but I’m rarely on the ball enough to come up with something fast enough to have it be believable. Love reading both this blog and anniethology… one day I might just start watching American Idol thanks to you!!!
wanlass6az-blogspot-com
When my 10 year old was 8, Papi and I put a burnt-out blackened weiner that had fallen off the broiler pan into a Ziploc bag and put it into our son’s Christmas stocking with a note from Santa Claus saying that Rudolph himself left the little gift because of his bad behavior and that he hoped to bring him nicer stocking stuffers next year.
We are bad parents.
I’ve made so many mistakes I can’t remember most of them, but I do remember the resulting tears. Somehow my children still love me!
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