Why I’d Rather Get Mauled by a Bear than Get a Bear at the Mall (theoretically)
I was recently asked what I have against shopping malls. “What are you, some kind of commie?” “You have something against capitalism?!” “Don’t you know that malls are what make the world go round?!”
My answers:
1) Stay on topic
2) Sort of, but we’re talking about my aversion to MALLS
3) Isn’t that taught in seventh grade science?
So let’s examine my mall issues, shall we? I’m not against buying/selling/trading or eating greasy hot dogs on a stick for that matter. Sure, I prefer to buy my Steve Madden platforms online, but that’s just laziness, not fear. Malls are fine. Overpriced, but fine. I don’t even mind the occasional “Excuse me but would you like to sign up for Cricket and receive a free Samsung phone?”
My problem is with the trash bins. You read correctly. Trash bins give me the willy nillies. You see, it isn’t just a MALL problem. It’s a PARK problem. And a SPORTING EVENT problem. It’s even a PARTY AT BOB’S HOUSE problem. I walk around watching people drop cans, plastic, newspaper, and anything that I know can be recycled into the trash, and I have to fight every cell in my body’s urge to wait until they walk away, dig it out, take it home and add it to my vast collection of things that will eventually be saved from that abhorrent hell called LANDFILL. Some malls come with places to recycle stuff. And that actually makes me feel worse. Because when I see recyclable trash in a NON-recyclable trash bin, the urge to move said trash to the correct bin is astronomic.
“So why not just move the trash then?” you ask. Well, frankly, if I’m at the mall, I’d rather not work. Shopping is work enough for me. And trash relocation is a full-time job. Besides, who wants to be known as Digging Through Trash At The Mall Lady?
“So just ignore it then,” you say. If I could ignore your water bottle floating in a sea of Orange Julius cups, indeed I would be a free woman with absolutely nothing to blog about here. The problem is that I walk away from the water bottle with a nagging voice in my head going, “Waste. Apathy. Disregard. People suck. You suck.” And who wants that?
Do I need psychotherapy? I’m sure of it. Would an anti-anxiety drug help? I’d put my money on it.
But maybe you can help me and all the recycling crazies out there who are just like me. We need your help! Maybe you can teach your children (who may grow up to be mall-cruising teenagers) the importance of reducing, reusing, and recycling, not just because it’s the right thing to do or because it would make your great-great grandchildren proud that you cared enough about their future to save the very best, but because there’s this very sad woman who’s kids might like to build a bear at the mall someday. And, as Smoky says, “Only YOU can prevent forest fires.” But I guess that’s a story for another day.
So now I wanna know. What makes you certifiable?
That is not what I was expecting to read! I don’t like malls but for much different reasons. But now that you have tipped me off to it, I will pay much more attention to their recycling efforts!
Nothing makes me certifiable, if you must know.
But I think your neurosis is making a great case for a more environmentally-friendly mall!
Ha! I love this post. Only one other family on my block recycles and it only costs $2 a month to have it picked up at our door. My doctor told me our baby is the only one she’s seen in cloth diapers. It’s sad really, all this talk about CHANGE and nobody putting their money where their mouth is.
Oh, and my url is:
http://www.gjsentinel.com/blogs/content/shared-gen/blogs/communities/haute/
I cry everytime I run vegetable peelings down my garbage disposal. I am throwing away perfectly good compost. Alas, I have tried to compost and failed miserably so, until I can do it right, I am tossing them. Sniff, sniff.
Thanks for reminding us that we should recycle in public as well as at home.
This is why I used to love going to Pearl Street in Boulder. Recycling bins AND most people use them.
My pet peeve is that our neighborhood has recycling included FOR FREE with trash pick up, and I would generously estimate that only half our 360 homes takes advantage of it. And Waste Mgt just announced they are expanding which plastics and what paper products they’ll take. We are now recycling more than we throw away, and I don’t even have to haul it anywhere.
Wow, thank you all for the comments. As a recycling fanatic, I felt kind of naked and exposed submitting this post. Had I not gotten any comments, I would have felt naked, exposed AND sad and stupid, too. So thank you for coming out of the woodwork!!
Hmmm… the only thing I am relating to here is your comment about Steve Madden shoes. I heart Steve, big time. I guess that says a lot about me.
I’m a recycling and composting fanatic, but I don’t think I ever thought about the recycling issue at malls. Wow. Now you’ve given me yet one more reason to not shop at them.
My main problem with malls is the teen factor. I’m not the target demographic for malls. At least, not anymore. They make me feel incredibly old, and then my mother’s voice is in my head, “You know, that’s on sale at the discount store.”
http://www.imaginarybinky.com
What makes me certifiable is also found at the mall. Public toilets that is. I have been known to hold it for 12 hours to avoid peeing in a public restroom. They give me the heebies, but I am really trying to suppress that so that I don’t pass my neurosis on to my kids!
Lizzy, email me about the compost. I can help!!! Julie AT ChezArtz DOT com…
Hm. There are many things about malls that drive me nuts. Recycling is not one of them. There was talk among the Stapleton moms about composting, I think the city of Denver gives free lessons on how to do it.
stapletonians.blogspot.com