My [Not So] Funny Valentine
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During my single years, the road was rocky as I attempted to find a man who would one day be legally required to be my Valentine.
Some people call it marriage.
My most memorable S.A.D. (Single Awareness Day) was my junior year of college. I had been casually dating a guy for a month. When I say casually, I mean casually. Even though we spent an inordinate amount of time together, he had shown no romantic inclinations towards me.
He was a bit of an anomaly: drop-dead gorgeous and absolutely clueless. Women fawned over him but he was immune to their charms. He was on the fast-track in business school but was also dirt poor and worked as an on-campus janitor at 4 a.m. One gal who lived in his apartment complex offered to drive him every morning. At 3:30 a.m. “Oh, she is just being nice,” he rationalized. “Besides, she drops me off on the way to the track.” The track that did not open until 5 a.m.
I decided that if he did not make his move on Valentine’s Day that he never would. My parents had even sent him $20 to take me to dinner. But the big day approached and nothing happened. No invitation, no flowers, nothing. He finally called me the night before.
“Hey, do you have plans tomorrow?”
“Well, not exactly,” I replied coyly. “What do you have in mind?”
“I have a film I need to see for my biology class.”
Surely he was kidding. It was a cover for a romantic evening when he would finally profess his undying love for me.
“Sounds like fun!” I would play along.
When he arrived at my doorstep the next evening, he was exuberant. “Hey, thank your parents for the money they sent me!” he exclaimed. “I didn’t have to donate plasma this week and was able to put it to good use.”
Good use that evidently did not include taking me to dinner.
I still had not lost hope. Until he took me to the theatre in the biology building on campus. As dread infiltrated my very being, I realized this was all there was. I was simply a buddy he was dragging along to fulfill his class credit. Just when I thought it could not get worse, it did.
The film de choix?
Fetal Development: A Nine-Month Journey.
That was the last I ever saw of him.
What are some of your more memorable Valentine’s Day memories?
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OMG! Clueless is RIGHT!
And seriously, I’m not laughing AT you, but the thought of him not having to donate plasma because of the $20 your parents so kindly sent for your dinner out… LOL.
Heidi
HILAROUS. Sad, but true. Guys are absolutely clueless.
I must know – did you finish watching the movie or did you walk out before?
Oh you poor girl.
My most memorable V-Day was when my hubby, who was just a friend, bought me a dictionary. I had told many guys that I wanted a dictionary (just for fun reading) and he was the first one to actually listen to me. I know, not funny, or romantic, but seriously my most memorable.
As upset as I was, I didn’t have the nerve to walk out on him (though I would have if it was today).
Besides, I needed to see if childbirth would be the big climax.
Wow…that guy was really clueless…glad you moved on…maybe he had some sort of a head injury that nobody knew about? How could any guy be that clueless!
That is horrible!!! I had a grand total of two and a half dates (I won’t go into the half date) before I met and started dating my husband. I just didn’t date much period and will never get divorces so that I never have to hit the singles scene again.
I went to a Christian school in Missouri, and while I “fake dated” a few guys in my time there, I never had a Valentine. My sophomore year a tradition of “Single Awareness Day” shirt began and people were taking orders from all over campus. The shirt said “Jesus was single too.” Then on Valentine’s Day we all wore our shirts . . . it was great to see so many other single people at a school jockingly called “Southwest Bridal University” where upper classmen and alumni float the (ficticous) statistic down to incoming freshman that 70% of SBU graduates are married our engaged when they graduate . . . Anyway, it turned out to be a great day, even without a special Valentine.
Well I got flowers and there was no way to tell who they were sent from. I was extatic! What girls doesn’t love that! There was also this guy I was seeing here and there, but nothing seem to be happening besides date after date after date with nothin! And slowly it seemed like he was starting to see interest in my roomate! Well, when he came over to hang out with me/her (i dont know who!) I was bragging about my flowers and how I don’t know who that are from. He walked over to them and started looking at the card and simple said “your dad” I was insulted…couldn’t he possibly think there was someone out there that liked me! I stomped over and started agruing…untill I flipped the card over and saw! Love dad!.
My “boyfriend” my senior year in high school gave me this hemp braided necklace (not my style but this was my first “boyfriend,” so I wasn’t going to complain)…I said, “oh wow thanks it is my first real valentine.” he said, “It’s valentine’s day…oh, I just got this free with a shirt I bought at the mall…it’s too girly for me.” What a winner.
wow. i think that one takes the cake!!
Was he gay?
Ruby stole my question…
I second the “He is obviously a homosexual to be immune to Amber’s charms” (Or whatever) statement.
I’m sure that was horrifying for you, but HILARIOUS for the rest of us.
I’m totally glad that you left him and his fetus film behind.
:S
That stinks!! Men they just don’t get it.
My worst Valentine Day was being stood up for a date. We made plans a week in advance to meet up and go to dinner or a movie. And he never showed.
Oh girl, why oh why were such great looks wasted on someone so clueless.
The “I didn’t have to donate plasma this week” line is unreal.
Oh my. What a miserable Valentine’s Day!
Did you tell your parents what he did with their money? :)
You have to be kidding! Clueless indeed! Did you smack him upside the head (please oh please)?
Gay? Now, why didn’t I think of that?! :-)
I’m sorry… but that is funny… in a sad sort of way. I don’t remember a lot of Valentine days… I guess I’ve blocked them out or something…
Oh Amber. That is TOO funny.
I wonder what he’s doing now….
Man what a story, too funny. Hope this year is better.
Oh. My. Goodness!! I am happy to say that I have never had a worse Valentine’s Day than that. Er, maybe that’s because I never DID have a Valentine’s Day before I got married . . .
That is bad! Nothing so entertaining comes to mind just lots of hanging out with friends at BYU & talking trash about that miserable day.
My senior year in college I boycotted V-day by wearing all black clothes, black lipstick, black nail polish, and I even dyed my hair black with temporary dye (I’m blond, so it kind of ended up a nasty greenish color). Now that I have a daughter, I don’t want her to grow up jaded on my behalf, so I wear pink or red with her now, and I let daddy be her ‘Valentine.’ But my college friends still call or email to see what color I’m wearing!
http://myoriginalself.blogspot.com
The best Valentine’s I’ve ever seen started in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. A little girl survived cancer but lost her hair during chemo. After the therapy was over, mom decided to do something extravagent, in the hopes that no other child would suffer the same as her daughter did.
Prior to Valentine’s Day, she dyed her hair bright pink (as did the little girl), collected pledges and then shaved it off on Valentine’s Day. It is called the Valentine’s Day Hair Massacre and it has since raised thousands and thousands of dollars for cancer research. Hair salons dye the hair of participants for free and also donate their time for shaving heads.
This endeavour is snowballing and you may eventually hear of it in your area. How do I know this? I worked with the little girl’s grandfather and my kids teacher was her neighbour.
Is that not a wonderful Valentine’s Day gift to everyone??
clueless is an understatement. hopefully, some girl took him by the hand and led him to some enlightenment.
This is the most hilarious valentine’s day story I ever read. Thank you!
I haven’t always been the pious individual I am now.
Now that that’s been said, I once gave a pair of Garfield briefs to my boyfriend for Valentine’s Day. He opened them in front of his parents.
Very awkward.
hey amber,
yea, she was just being nice!! she so wanted that puppy!! :)
good thing you figured out what you didn’t want. your shaving part cracked me up! i never know what is going to come out of your mouth next! you are a riot, girl. kathleen