Transcript of a “conversation” with the school’s attendance line
Day One, 7:30 am
âYou have reached Neighborhood Elementary Schoolâs attendance line. Please leave a message with your studentâs name, class, reason for absence and number of days absent. Thank you.â? Beep.
âHi! This is Gretchen White, Ryley’s mom. He is in Mrs. Goodteacherâs second-grade class. He wonât be at school today due to a fever and a cough. Hopefully heâll be better tomorrow. Thank you!â?
Day Two, 8:05 am
âYou have reached Neighborhood Elementary Schoolâs attendance line. Please leave a message with your studentâs name, class, reason for absence and number of days absent. Thank you.â? Beep.
âHi! This is Gretchen White. Ryley wonât be at school today. Heâs in Mrs. Goodteacherâs class. He still has a fever and a cough, plus a headache. I donât know if he will be there tomorrow, sorry.â?
Day Three, 8:24 am
âYou have reached Neighborhood Elementary Schoolâs attendance line. Please leave a message with your studentâs name, class, reason for absence and number of days absent. Thank you.â? Beep.
âHello. Gretchen White here. Ryley from Mrs. Goodteacherâs class wonât be at school today. Iâm going to try to get him in to the doctor. Also Sam wonât be at school today. Heâs in Mrs. Remindsmeofmythirdgradeteacherwhowasreallystrictâs class. He has a tummyache and a cough. I donât know how many days heâll be out. Thanks!â?
Day Four, 5:30 am
âYou have reached Neighborhood Elementary Schoolâs attendance line. Please leave a message with your studentâs name, class, reason for absence and number of days absent. Thank you.â? Beep.
âHi, itâs me. Ryley, uh, White wonât be there today. Of course. He has pneumonia according to the doctor he saw yesterday afternoon. Heâs on antibiotics. Oh, heâs in Mrs. Goodteacherâs classâtheoretically. Sam is coughing his head off too. Wonât be there. You donât want him there. Aidan is also sick. Sheâs in Miss Ryleyhasasecretcrushonherâs class, fourth grade and she too has this fevery coughy thingy going on. When will they be back? Isnât that the million dollar question? Iâm not feeling so well myself. How are you? Oh yeah, sorry, recording.â?
Weekend intermission
Day Five, 8:59 am
âYou have reached Neighborhood Elementary Schoolâs attendance line. Please leave a message with your studentâs name, class, reason for absence and number of days absent. Thank you.â? Beep.
âSam will be there! Yay! This is Gretchen, his mom, by the way. Unfortunately Ryley and Aidan wonât be joining him. They are still sick. I think I am going to try that Mucinex stuff you see on TV. You know, those commercials where the glob of mucus wearing a tanktop and a combover throws a party for all his mucus globule friends? So gross, but Iâve heard good things about it. One of my fr-â? Oops, cutoff by the machine. Redial.
âMe, again. I forgot where I left off? Basically, Aidan and Ryley wonât be there. I hope maybe one or both of them will be there tomorrow. Okay. Thanks. Did I mention this is Gretchen White?â?
Day Six, 6:31 am
âYou have reached Neighborhood Elementary Schoolâs attendance line. Please leave a message with your studentâs name, class, reason for absence and number of days absent. Thank you.â? Beep.
âNo, Joel, I wonât put syrup on your Pop Tart. Oh, hi, itâs Gretchen White again. Aidan from Miss Ryleyhasasecretcrushonherâs class wonât be there. Still with the cough. Says her feet feel funny, too. Iâll call you tomorrow. Or you can call me, if you want. We should have lunch sometime!â?
Oh, what I have to look forward to! This is hilarious, reminds me of the skit with the cook who keeps drinking more of the cooking sherry as she goes! Only, in this case, it’s sleep deprivation. The first time my DS got really sick I remember running out of pjs for me because his favorite place to get sick was while I was trying to rock him to sleep.
I am horrible at leaving messages with machines. I hate when i forget the names of my children… or myself. “Hi, this is… ha ha I’m Mrs. —–, silly me. Ahhhh, anyway I’m calling for, um, my daughter Cook–, Oops, I mean Li— hee hee.” you get the idea.
Hope you are all feeling better now.
You are too cute and creative. I have soooo been there, done that!
FUNNY. That’s the story around town these days, I hear. Lots of sickies going around. Enough to make a mama an eeensy bit nutty!
Feeling your pain. I’m glad you can find the humor in it.
This was a great post, Gretchen. Well wishes to you and yours.
Hilarious!!!
http://www.live4truth13.blogspot.com/
This is hilarious! We homeschool, so we don’t deal with schools, but I know I would probably ramble too, and get cut off by the answering machine!
Angie
http://wwwthedowntownboutique.blogspot.com
My favorite Gretchen post of all times! You are a comedic genious!
make that genius.
Oh my heck, that was seriously laugh-out-loud funny.
I, too, have forgotten which kid I am calling about or their teacher’s name. Or, automatically using my oldest child’s name and then catching myself part-way through.
So funny…..hope you are feeling better!
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