A story of moodiness, timeliness and procreation
“Do or do not, there is no try.”
Thus are the immortal words of Yoda.
He evidently was not talking about baby making.
My husband Jamie and I are happily settled into the daily trauma of having two children who kick our butts. But looming over us is the knowledge we are supposed to have a third. I knew it the moment I had Baby No. 2. Because isn’t that what every woman wants to know right after childbirth?
I recently went to retrieve my birth control prescription and discovered as of January 1st, it is no longer covered by our insurance company. Do I take this as a sign that it is time? Or simply a sign that our insurance now sucks?
I am no spring chicken and if I had my way, I would have spaced my children farther apart. Like maybe in separate lifetimes.
You know, for full recovery.
But because that is not an option, this means we will likely start trying sometime this year. For those unfamiliar with P.P.T. (Prudish Procreation Talk), “trying” means “having an inordinate amount of unromantic sex around the time of ovulation.” How’s that for a lack of sugar-coating?
But back to the lack of romanticism – we speak from experience. After a particularly long, difficult day a couple of years ago all I wanted to do was pass out and go to bed. I was moody and every bone in my body just needed rest.
Until Jamie reluctantly entered the room.
“Err, I just checked the chart and today is your highest fertility day.”
Long pause.
“All right. Fine. I guess we have no choice. Get on over here.”
And this, my friends, is how our beloved baby Bode was conceived.
How do you know when it is time or if you’re done having children?
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I thought I knew that we were done after our second…but now, I’ve kinda, sorta changed my mind. Except the hubster has been…ahem…’fixed’. Not good.
Heidi
I knew I was supposed to have three from the time I was pregnant with baby #1. I knew for sure when I did get pregnant with #3 that he was for sure the last. I love my children and all, but no amount of money could get me to do it again.
Yeah, being fixed would cause a bit of a problem. :-)
I thought that I was done with two… they are 11 and 8… but now? Yeah, I’m hankering for another one… at least… maybe two. And people think I’m crazy. Maybe I am.
My only problem? Um, that whole marriage thing? I guess I need to find a husband first. :D
Mike & I have always wanted three – not sure what it is about that number. I guess we’ll see if it will still be three after this pregnancy. I just hope it’s as easy as the first one :)
I realize I just totally jinxed myself – GREAT!
We have had lots of unromantic baby making moments trying to have the first two.
I am with you on the wishing I was younger so we could space them apart. I also suddenly wanted a third right after #2 was born. I guess I’ll have to fight my hubby on that one next year.
I hate when people ask me this question because I hate not being able to give solid answers. When I got married I told my hubby we were having a minimum of 6. Then I had #3 and said, “I AM DONE!” Then we conceived #4 while on the pill. Then, after praying long and hard with my husband we both felt that there was one more, hence my current condition. Now when people ask me if I’m done I just shrug my shoulders and say, “We’ll see.”
I’ve been “lucky” to never have experienced concieving sex. I’m sorry for you.
How do I know if we’re done? Two words: snip snip. :-)
P.S. Love the Yoda quote. Very appropriate.
Got married, figured having kids was the American thing to do, had our first, knew we didn’t want an only child, had our second 3 years later. Poor child had horrible colic (i.e, screaming and crying for no apparent reason until she was 8 months old).
I nearly needed antidepressants to make it through that ordeal. Swore I was done, hubby not so much. Wore me down until I wasn’t horrifed at the idea of a 3rd. She is now 17 months-old and having a toddler is convincing enough that we are done. :)
How do you know when you are done? When you are happy your period starts verses a little sad. When your house feels full–like no one is missing. When you realize that if you don’t have another one, you will be very sad in 10-15 years and you cannot do anything about it.
I could adopt or foster more kids (older then toddlers!), I think, but there ain’t more babies coming out of this body. :)
after our first, i couldn’t imagine having another. it took a long time (well, until she was 1 1/2) before i could picture another child in our family. then i knew she needed a sibling and that our family wasn’t complete. so we had our son.
right now i’m at the i’m not sure if we’re done but i’d love to give birth again (i know – i’m a little out of the ordinary) phase. i can see us with 3 kids, but i also feel incredibly blessed with the 2 that we have. so in short, i have no idea how you know when you are done. ;)
good luck!
amy
http://crunchydomesticgoddess.com
Whenever laugh too hard…or, jog to the end of our driveway to pick up the morning paper…and can’t hold my pee…I know…I AM SO DONE!
Four children was the perfect amount. The older ones could pour their own cereal, and we avoided having our #3 child be the youngest (which would not be kind to anyone). An even number to go on rides at Disneyland, and I was done before 30.
Now I have 6.
Oh, great responses, everyone. Especially Cherhell who should have stopped at four. :-)
Liz – my “condition” comes out when I try to serve or hit a volleyball. :-)
We never set a limit, and never had a problem conceiving. He nicknamed me “fertile Myrtle”, after we found out baby #2 was on her way…when baby #1 was only 7 months old! Breastfeeding and “being careful” are not effective means of birth control. After baby #3 surprised us (apparently birth control pills are not that effective either) he said, “enough.” She was 4 weeks old when he took permanent measures. Now, 9 years later, do I regret the decision? No, although I would like to adopt.
I absolutely knew that we were not going to have anymore and still feel this way. Don’t get me wrong I love to hold little babies, feeling their soft skin, and smelling that baby powdery smell. But I even like it better going to bed and sleeping all night so am content to hug, kiss, and give back to mommy. I think some people just know when they are done. IT is great that you know that you want more. Good luck with your procreating and may it go more smoothly this time.
Amber, I totally hear you: I knew I wanted a third when #2 was a week old. (Well, I was pretty sure before that, but then became convinced.) How did I know? Well, it turns out some babies actually do sleep (#1 didn’t really), which makes mama’s life much easier. And I’m one of 3, so 3 seems right. Husband thinks I’m completely crazy and resists completely. I told him we should wait another year or two — till we’re in the land of no more diapers, and then talk about it again. If I still have this feeling, he’s gonna’ have a hard time winning the debate…
i had a girl… then i had a boy… then dh said, that’s good, we don’t need any more. i must have been in that post-just given birth things and i said, that sounds good to me. but at some point (and i don’t remember how much time had passed), i realized that i did have a desire to have a third. but i was okay with just the two, too. so, since my didn’t really want any more, i didn’t throw a fit yelling, i want another!
i will say, i think two is easier if you do a lot of traveling. not a reason to keep it at two, just saying that most hotel rooms accommodate only 4 people.
We’ve been grappling with this decision for FOUR FREAKING YEARS.
It doesn’t ever seem to get easier, dang it.
Very timely post as we have been really struggling with the idea of #3. I think we’ll have one more soon. Our theory is that while it might be hard work now, we will never look back in 20 years and think we shouldn’t have had another. And I don’t want to look back in 20 years and wish we had another.
oh – and I’m with Amy… I could give birth over and over again. I’m just not so sure about toddlerhood!
We’re working on number three as well. We plan on four, but who knows what Heavenly Father has in store for us? We’re doing the not so much trying but not trying not to approach to getting pregnant. I don’t feel ready. At all. So it’s a mix of sweetness and sorrow when my period arrives each month.
We’ve got three… there are times when I feel pressure to have four, but it usually comes from outside influences and not my own thoughts or feelings.
People always say, “Oh, you’ll know when you’re done”. So… either we’re not done, or I am just not in tune enough to have that knowledge bestowed upon me.
One Sunday, when our third (and second adopted child) was 9 months old I commented to my husband that three was the perfect number for us.
THE NEXT DAY I heard from a blood test (for something else) that number 4 was on the way. I was “infertile” AND on the pill (just in case).
So, not only am I the lady that adopted and then had a baby, apparently even I can get pregnant on the pill……
Sadly, I kind of don’t think I am “done” but I never make that decision before the baby turns 3. Granted, it is kind of hard to “accidentaly” adopt a child (can you imagine? oops, I accidentally had a homestudy and got my fingerprints taken. Then I didn’t realize that all my neighbors sent in recommendations. It was in the heat of the moment that I sent a many thousand dollar check to the attorney… and on and on….).
Hey girls, this topic got me thinking, so I wrote about it on my blog. Here is a link if you’d like to read it:
http://amomintheburbs.blogspot.com/2008/01/how-do-you-know-when-you-are-done.html
A very powerful, time-consuming thing to ponder about, that is for sure!
We have two kids, my youngest is 9 months old. I want another baby, my husband is definitely not into a third. I don’t know if the third kid is something my head wants or something biology is pushing me into.
Oh man this is the question of my late 30s. And I always hated that dumb expression about the ticking clock.
We’re sort of in what a friend of mine called the “Ah Whatever”, not trying, not not trying and if someone happens then it’s OK, if someone doesn’t than it’s OK.
The problem is I really secretly want another baby, but mainly I think because I’m not ready to let go of my mama-ness state of life. I loved having little ones around. I don’t want to let it go.
Is that a good enough reason to create life? Not sure about that.
I always wanted 4, hubby always wanted 1. So we’ve compromised with 4! ;) Our first just turned 2 and I’m definitely itching for another (yeah, bad, we just bought a puppy!) our current plan is birth 2, adopt 2, but Im clueless as to how it will feel to be done.
Http://newmamasnest.blogspot.com
I, like you, knew that I was going to have a third right after #2 came out. With #3 I was so blasted sick with a diagnoses that every consecutive pregnancy would have the same complications. That basically sealed the deal. It was having mommy alive and well to raise the ones we have or put my life and a baby’s life at risk to have any more. It was an easy answer to a prayer.
And I have never given it a second thought.
We were totally done at 2. We now have 3. We are also now “officially” done. Yes, I put that man under the knife as fast as possible, you’d better believe it!
3 is a hard change, you need a bigger car, a bigger house, a bigger pantry, a biggerlaundry basket….It wasn’t easy for me.
That being said, I finally got an easy going baby. I would’ve been forever happy at two, but now that I have 3 it would be hard to decide which one I’d be happy without. Well, most of the time…
You have to take into consideration your physical health, your mental health, your finances, all the ins and outs that come with another kid…and then you realize you don’t have any control over it at all! I just recommend that if you aren’t SURE you’re done, don’t do anything permanent, and if you ARE sure you’re done, get something permanent done right away!!!