Busted
Mrs. McDad is a well renowned leadfoot. So, [my daughter]THREEâs recent report didnât exactly come as a surprise. It did, however, hammer home the point that I now have two little âratsâ? in the house. Being that these âratsâ? are too young and innocent to fear mafia-type threats against those who plot against the Family, Iâm going to need to leverage this situation to protect myself and simultaneously acquire useful dirt on MRS.
The report went something like this:
Dateline: Daddyâs Car.
Situation: driving to daycare.
THREE, on turning onto a residential street: âDaddy? Are we going slow now?â?
McDad, assuming role of responsible parent, example setter: âYes baby. We drive slow on these small streets. Lotâs of kids live here and we need to be careful.â?
THREE: âMommy doesnât go slow.â?
McDad: âWell, you need to tell Mommy to go slow. Mommy gets very expensive speeding tickets and sometimes Daddy has to go to court with her.â?
THREE: âMommy doesnât have slow batteries, she just has fast batteries.â?
McDad: âI know. Too bad that doesnât apply to other places than the car.â?
THREE: âHuh?â?
McDad: âNever mind.â?
The good news: THREE has a steel-trap memory. She really comes in handy when I lose my keys, etc. The bad news: I know itâs just a matter of time before she rats me out to MRS on something. What I need to do is develop some type of reward system for, say, information that leads to a conviction. I need all the ammo I can get against MRS. At the same time, I need to develop certain modified Mafioso intimidation tactics to keep THREE loyal to Daddy. Perhaps, send some âmuscleâ? to daycare once in a while.
So far sheâs been a good soldier and has proven her loyalty. Even early on, when she was just learning to speak, she had my back. MRS was ruining a Saturday morning with some Lifetime Network horror show. I growled for her to toss me the clicker but she refused. THREE jumped right in, âMommy, thatâs Daddyâs clicker!â? MRS was beaten and College Gameday was in play.
So what reward do I use to keep THREE on track? Baby Dolls? Dora Snacks? Princess paraphernalia? No wait. Like mother, like daughter. And in perfect keeping with the Mafia theme. Good old payola. CASH. That oughta work just fine.
Now, I just have to figure out how to get to ONE, before she starts talking.
While you’re doling out cash, you may as well just send some to me, too. I’m easy like that.
Jane, Pinks & Blues
http://www.pinksandblues.com
I am busted on a daily basis. My daughter has no loyalty whatsoever, only to The Keeper of the Clicker. I think it is a conspiracy of mankind.
That’s funny. I’d be careful sending the “muscle” to daycare. You’d probably have to may the medical expenses if she gives big Vinnie backtalk and he breaks her kneecaps.
I’m so lucky my son has total loyalty to good ol’ dad, otherwise I’d be in the poor house having to fork out the cash. Kid’s like the big bills now.
Oh, Declan rats us out to each other on a daily basis. Cash, candy, toys – nothing seems to work. (just kidding).
Just start bribing her with shoes now. Trust me.
The only secrets kept in this family are the secrets between Mini Me and me.
Me: Mini Me, don’t tell the boys I bought you a toy a the store. They’ll be jealous.
Mini Me: Don’t worry, Mama, I won’t. Do I get anything else for not telling?
Ahhh… too smart for her own good.
hahaha ahhh so glad mine isnt at the talky stage of telling on me…….yet………
You are a smart dad. My hubby hasn’t figured this out yet. Thank God.
My kids love to rat out their daddy. They just aren’t very smart about it. Last night (right before dinner) they all came running to me with candy in their hands to tell on daddy. I promptly took their candy away and my husband rubbed it in their sad little faces, “That’s what you get for snitching on your Daddy.”
Just an FYI regarding this post and life’s little ironies–I was pulled over on Broadway in Littleton today for doing 52 in a 40. Shocker of all shockers, I was actually able to talk my way out of the ticket….and I didn’t even cry or show of my cleavage.
http://www.mitchmcdad.com