Confessions of a 24-year-old virgin
My older sisters were full of advice about sex. Some helpful, some practical, and some was just to test my gullibility. They had gone through it before and wanted to help make my transition from vestal virgin to sex kitten a smooth one, as well as get a few laughs in for themselves.
Their advice was three-fold: 1) Get on the pill three months before your wedding. 2) Spend your wedding night in your own home. And 3) whatever you do, don’t fall off the goat!
As per their advice I made an appointment at the community health clinic to start on the pill. I worked at a hospital and had good health insurance but they told me I could get the pill for close to nothing at the clinic. So I filled out the appropriate paperwork and went in for my exam. After checking my chart and giving me a cold, a little painful, but thorough exam the female doctor looked at me and simply asked, “How??
How is it that a 24-year-old woman with medium good looks could still be a virgin? The answer wasn’t a complicated one. I told her simply that I wanted to save myself for my husband and also attributed it to my religious upbringing. She looked so puzzled and amazed. As I was talking she kept looking past me to the door as if she wanted to invite some of the nurses in to see the freak of nature. Yep, that’s right, me, Bigfoot, and Nessie. Although, what did I expect? They weren’t used to seeing “my kind? at the clinic.
My sisters were correct about the clinic. They pass those birth control pills out like they’re candy! They were also right about spending our wedding night in our own home. They said that it is where I would feel the most comfortable and relaxed. Despite never having done it before, I was relaxed but ultimately not that comfortable.
The day before our wedding we moved my to-be husband’s waterbed into our new house. What we didn’t know was that during the move, the waterbed heater had broken. After the events of the nuptial night had culminated we promptly drifted off to sleep. (I tell ya, releasing 24 years of build up can be exhausting.)
In the middle of the night, I woke up freezing. Due to the err…circumstances, we failed to notice that the bed was cold as stone. I went out to the living room, pulled out the hide-a-bed, and then woke my husband enough to get him to walk from the bedroom to the living room. After that, I couldn’t get back to sleep. I tossed and turned on that lumpy pull-out couch for the rest of the night – what a great way to spend a wedding night. But my new husband was completely unaware. In the morning he woke up and asked, “How did I get here??
As for the goat advice, I was virgin but not an idiot! I knew that farm animals were not going to be a part of my future sex life. Or at least, I hoped not. The last thing this virgin wanted was cattle lowing in the background on her wedding night.
I’ve been married ten years now. Sex advice isn’t a one-way street anymore between my sisters and me. But now my children are getting older and it’s time to think about what I’m going to teach them about sex. What advice did you get about sex? What are you going to teach your kids? Do you think abstinence before marriage is antiquated? Or, despite a culture that mainly teaches otherwise, is it still possible?
And most importantly: how many goats were present for your wedding night?
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Well, ironically, I just posted about this on my blog, except it was about my friend who knew nothing!
My mom has pretty much been giving me TMI about sex over the past 11 years, and even though I am still nervous about when the day will come…I am not freaked out. I am ok with it. I believe parents should teach their kids as much as they know, and also emphasize how important it is to wait for the person you marry.
I am all about the TMI…no matter how uncomfortable it may be.
I too, was a virgin when I got married, by choice. I really felt that marriage is a sacred union of two people and why would I want to unite with other people before that sacred moment? My choice has proven to be the right one. We have been blissfully married for 30 years, and because we really celebrate marriage and our union, I can happily say that the sex we enjoy with each other, has only gotten better and better, and our marriage just continues to get better and better. We laugh together, are playful with each other and really cherish the other person. Don’t settle, ladies, for anyone but the best person for you. Sex is the icing on the cake, but not the cake itself. Wait for the person who understands that, and you will be happy for the rest of your life.
I think you are right, Lauren. Our culture doesn’t hold back when it comes to innundating our kids with messages about sex. The more information they can get from me, the better.
Sandy- “Sex is the icing on the cake, but not the cake itself. ” I love it! I am going to use that quote.
No goats were present, but I was an 8 cow wife :)
Here’s my advice–everything tells our young women that sex is the best thing/the only important thing in the world. But ask women who have been getting it for the past 10 years or so, and they would definitely say that some days they’d take a pint of Ben and Jerry’s over a little action. What I mean by that is that sex is great, but there are many, many other things in life that are sensual/pleasurable that you can enjoy that you don’t get confused about. “Does he love me, vs does he want to get in my pants? If we just go hiking and watch a sunset, instead, I don’t have to parse that out.” Did that make any sense??
Aw, I wish I had know you many many years ago =( You have good sisters who gave you good advice (but the goat).
PS: Aimee wins!
My mother taught me correct information, but it was very limited. After I graduated from high school, I found my parents’ marriage manual, swiped it, and read it from cover to cover. I was a very educated virgin, but I wish someone had told me about lubrication before my wedding night!
I teach my children the basics when they are young, and as they get older I share more information on an ongoing basis…usually more than they really want! Because I am not shy about it, they are not afraid to ask questions.
Abstinence may not be easy, but it is very possible and definitely worth it!
I can’t imagine discussing sex with my sister. My mom can’t even say “sex” with a straight face. I’m trying to be as open as I can with my kids without giving any really juicy information. Basically my advice so far has been, “Keep your pants on till you’re married.” Hopefully they’ll stick to that.
The best sex advice my mom gave me is what I call the dog-pole. She basically informed me that men get excited way too easy. They can get the same physical effect from doing a dog or rubbing against a pole (pardon my bluntness). So, if a guy said he HAD to have me because only I could make him happy he was lying. It was very important for me to know this because it helped me to recognize love vs. libido.
Oh, and I had kind of the same experience with a doctor. He quizzed me about my sex life and just didn’t seem to believe me… until he started the exam.
“…the dog-pole.” LOL! That is funny and true.
I think I may have blushed a little reading through all the comments! And I’m a grown woman! Love the dog-pole!
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I’m all about being a big mouth. And laughing a lot so the kids know it’s ok to be silly as long as they understand what I’m trying to teach them.
I rely on listening to Dr. Laura with my kids to open up awkward dialogue and point out consequences and such to treating the temple that is their body in a frivolous manner.
I’m sort of prudish and blush when people are too overt in their sex talk.
Boy did you let the cat out of the bag on this one..I’m not telling!! No one gave me any advice and I’m not giving any either; my generation was “see no evil, speak no evil, do no evil or someone might tell your mother. I found a manual when I was baby sitting for a friend…thank you very much!
My parents were not very open about it. I won’t go into the gorey details of my experiences with it, good and bad. But I am totally open with my kids. It’s a “they ask, I answer” policy in my house. That way there is never an issue with having “the talk” because for us it’s an ongoing dialogue.
I learned about sex from my friend Sharon when I was five. Haha. My mother never approached me until I came to her one night, terribley upset that I knew about sex and she’d never told me. We had a rediculously long conversation about how she thought I’d come to her instead. I lost my virginity at 15 (I’m now close to seventeen), to my boyfriend (we were best friends before we started dating, so we knew eachother for about ten months before we had sex), and we are still dating. Thank God for sex-ed, because they taught us condom use, emotional safety, and a lot of other useful things. Yea, they taught abstinence, sure. But since we were best friends and loved each other very much, we decided that it wasn’t right for us. We’re still dating and still loving each other, too. :) We plan on marrying after I graduate early my senior year.
My only complaint was we were both virgins, and we had to kind of teach each other everything. Very sweet, emotional first time, but we both sucked at it. Learning together was fun, though! Bonding, too.
well my name says it all… i guess xD, i am a 24 yo and i am still a virgin, I’m kinda staying that way till i get married, cause i believe in that, as a matter of fact I am eager to stay a virgin till the right time comes to “really” change my life, i also heared once that “being attached and to never forget about the 1st partner is v.common” so i believe in what i am doing, i hope i was alil helpful to you ….or some1 else, if not …well sry to waste ur time xD and take care