Parallel Lives
Nothing in life is stagnant and there is no greater testament of this than when I return to my childhood home. My parent’s backyard oasis is always lusher, their house more cluttered with “treasures,” and our home, once on the outskirts of town, is practically the inner-city. Well, minus the gangs (unless you count my band of brothers’ occasional visit).
There is only one thing I can count on: my mother’s driving ability. Or rather, the lack thereof.
Mother is a nightmare behind the wheel. Picture the worst driver in the world, throw in a few blinders and you’ve got dear ol’ Christine. I have not let her drive me for years and I strongly protested when she recently offered to take my daughter Haddie to the “treat store.” When she demanded an explanation, all I had to say was “Parallel Parking” and the bomb was diffused.
One day she was out with my sister-in-law, Jane. Mother (who loves to shop) saw a “cute” store in the middle of a shopping district that she just had to visit.
She spotted an open parking space, put on her blinker and proceeded to parallel park. This attempt in itself was very ambitious considering her abysmal driving record. As a bonus, the traffic light up ahead was red so Mom did not have to worry about cars careening past her.
And so she parked. Or at least tried to. She backed in and out, readjusting herself every few seconds as surrounding cars started blazing their horns. She, of course, ignored them. Horns and fingers are very common things that surface when she drives.
My sister-in-law was not paying attention up until this point. She finally looked ahead to the traffic light that had turned green and then back at my mom’s parking job.
She then realized the terrible truth: my mother had been mistakenly trying to parallel park between two moving vehicles that were merely stopped at the red light.
And thus begs the question: would you let this woman drive your children?
OMG!!!
ROFL.
Umm. NO.
I would NOT allow her to drive my children!
oh, that is too funny. i didn’t expect that. i thought it was just going to be a bad parking job. no, i’m not sure i would let her drive my kids.
hope you’re having a good time up there.
How is that possible???
I fully support your decision not to let her take your kids in a vehicle driven by her
Oh No! That is terrible! And scary, and no…no child driving.
I visited my cousin’s house yesterday … always a bit of a mess with 3 teenagers. But I noticed to my surprise that their oldest’s was actually somewhat clean! He’d just gotten out of the Navy, and he admitted that they did teach him to clean better.
So I figure that’s the answer — send your kids to the Navy, and they’ll never forget how to clean a room.
In lieu of that, “military school” is always an option.
LOL–that is awful! Gave me a panic attack just reading about it.!
That is hilarious!
If you had a petition asking your mom not to drive, I’d sign it.
Good thing she is your mom, because it is easier to say no. I’d hate to be the daughter-in-law & have to mention something.
For some reason, my comments won’t go through?
Anyway, I thought this story was hilarious—one of those famiily gems I am sure you will talk about for years.
My mom has my 10 year old son with her right now…..so, no I’m not laughing because I’m all clenched with worry. My mom tweezes her chin hairs, talks on the phone, and changes lanes like a maniac all while driving 70 on the freeway.
Who among you are agile enough to freakin pluck chin hairs while driving?!!!?? Forget the cell phone laws, they should target women like my mother.
That is too funny.
In answer to your question: I would not let her drive my chilldren.
GOOD FREAKING HECK!
I was torn between being horribly frightened and laughing my ass off.
I have personality felt for a long time that once people reach a certain age they shouldnt be allowed to drive
Oh my goodness. If that wasn’t so totally hilarious, it would be remarkably sad! No, I would not let her drive my child!!! oh my gosh!!!I cannot believe someone would do this? Does she need glasses?
My step dad has not let my mom drive in seven years. She is a total wreck on the road. Maybe you should suggest this to your dad.
FABULOUS!!!!
Your dear mother has Chutzpah. Blasting horns and Tallman fingers appear, eh?! ….well, it sounds like “there’s no place like home.” With certain family members I’m learning to close my eyes and breathe deeply (to avoid tearing their heads off & screaming) when I have the ‘privilege’ of riding with them.
Wow, such validation.
Finally, someone with a worst driving record than myself.
P.S. She was ambitious to even attempt the parallel park.
LOL!
I wouldn’t let her drive my child anywhere, either…
LOL! Now that is a story to pass on through the generations!
Bwahahaha. This makes a great ‘blonde” joke and will keep me laughing for awhile.
Amber D.
So… tell me how does good ol’ Christine feel about you spilling her driving short comings for all to see? LOL. Miss ya.
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